TOEFL writing: What makes a good neighbour?

[anaam819]

Can someone please rate this essay. I would be extremely grateful.

Q: Neighbours are the people who live near us. In your opinion, what are the qualities of a good neighbour? Use specific details and examples in your answer.

Good neighbours help each other even during thick and thin. But what are the cherished qualities that make a neighbour good? In my opinion, a friendly outlook, empathy and integrity are merits that make a neighbour virtuous.

For starters, a good neighbour should have a welcoming attitude. He should be hospitable and greet his other neighbours in a decent manner. An excellent example is Mr Wilson, a kind human being and my neighbour. His wife and children have passed away many years ago and he lives alone. However, his affable manner with us has never reflected his grief. He has always been sociable with everyone around him and he has built a reputation as a respectable and openhearted gentleman. My family and I often visit him, and we all feel quite nice spending time with him. He feels the same way. A good neighbour needs to be like that; he or she must be pleasant and have a friendly nature.

Moreover, an affable neighbour must be an understanding person and have compassion. If a fellow neighbour is in trouble and asks help from him, he should definitely be generous and help in the best possible manner. To illustrate, when my cousin moved to a new country and fell ill she did not know which hospital to go to. Her caring neighbour Mrs Khan eagerly helped her and took her to the neighbourhood’s nearest and best hospital. My cousin was able to recover quickly. Ever since then, my cousin and Mrs Khan have been best friends, helping each other during times of need. If people had these kinds of altruistic qualities they can become a worthy and thoughtful neighbour. They could benefit their community and in return the community would help them.

Finally, a neighbour must be honest. Morality is crucial when building any good relationship with fellow neighbours. A neighbor that lies will never be trustworthy and hence others will not interact with him. In stark contrast, an ethical neighbour will set an excellent example in the neighbourhood and encourage others to be truthful. An honest neighbour will also gain trust among others and he will always be respected.

To conclude, there are numerous qualities that can make a neighbour benevolent. It seems that the list is never-ending. However, I feel the three qualities: morality, compassion and friendliness are the most powerful qualities that define a good neighbour and should exist in all of us, not just our neighbours.

(409 words)

[Luschen]

Wow, another super-duper essay! Not much I can recommend here, you definitely seem to be set for this section of the TOEFL. If you had time you could have added an example to your third body paragraph, but besides that it is outstanding.

@anaam819

Good neighbours help each other even during thick and thin. But what are the cherished qualities that make a neighbour good? In my opinion, a friendly outlook, empathy and integrity are merits that make a neighbour virtuous.

For starters, a good neighbour should have a welcoming attitude. He should be hospitable and greet his other neighbours in a decent manner. An excellent example is Mr Wilson, a kind human being and my neighbour. His wife and children have passed away many years ago and he lives alone. However, his affable manner with us has never reflected his grief. He has always been sociable with everyone around him and he has built a reputation as a respectable and openhearted gentleman. My family and I often visit him, and we all feel quite nice {try to come up with a more descriptive word - maybe “content”, “relaxed”, “cheerful”} spending time with him. He feels the same way. A good neighbour needs to be like that; he or she must be pleasant and have a friendly nature.

Moreover, an affable neighbour must be an understanding person and have compassion. If a fellow neighbour is in trouble and asks help from him, he should definitely be generous and help in the best possible manner. To illustrate, when my cousin moved to a new country and fell ill she did not know which hospital to go to. Her caring neighbour Mrs Khan eagerly helped her and took her to the neighbourhood’s nearest and best hospital. My cousin was able to recover quickly. Ever since then, my cousin and Mrs Khan have been best friends, helping each other during times of need. If people [have] {or “had … could”} these kinds of altruistic qualities they can become worthy and thoughtful [neighbours] {try to match the object to the subject here}. They could benefit their community and in return the community would help them.

Finally, a neighbour must be honest. Morality is crucial when building any good relationship with fellow neighbours. A neighbor [who] lies will never be trustworthy and hence others will not interact with him. In stark contrast, an ethical neighbour will set an excellent example in the neighbourhood and encourage others to be truthful. An honest neighbour will also gain trust among others and he will always be respected. {this paragraph is a little less developed - a specific example would definitely help.

To conclude, there are numerous qualities that can make a neighbour benevolent. It seems that the list is never-ending. However, I feel the three qualities: {A comma here, not a colon. The words before a colon should form a stand-alone sentence.} morality, compassion and friendliness are the most powerful qualities that define a good neighbour and should exist in all of us, not just our neighbours.

[anaam819]

Thank you for your comments and suggestions Luschen!