TOEFL writing practice- Life today is easier and more comfortable than it was when your grandparents were children


#1

I would really appreciate it if someone rated my TOEFL essay.

Q: Do you agree or disagree with the following statement?

Life today is easier and more comfortable than it was when your grandparents were children.

There is a stark difference between our generation and our grandparents’ generation. The question of which era was better and comfortable is quite debatable. Personally, I feel that life today is easier than when my grandparents were children because we have better technology, a wider range of goods and services and advanced medical facilities.

First of all, the advance of technology has made our lives much easier. We can contact distant relatives quickly and help them during an emergency. Apps such as facebook and whatsapp allow us to connect with our loved ones instantly. During my grandparents’ time, none of these things existed. For example, when my grandfather’s father worked abroad, his family would wait for weeks for a letter to come from him. When my father will work abroad next year, we can instantly contact him. He will feel less homesick and we will not miss his presence.

Moreover, our economy has developed much more compared to my grandparents’ time. This has allowed us to get better access to goods and services. For instance, when my grandmother wanted to eat outside when she was a child there were only a few local restaurants available in the city. Today, thanks to globalization there are myriad restaurants catering to different taste-buds. There are Indian, Chinese, and Korean restaurants in most countries today, creating more variety for consumers and making life more comfortable.

Finally, medical services today are far more advanced compared to during my grandparents’ time. During my grandparents time a plethora of children and adults died of diarrhea, tuberculosis and many other diseases. Today these illnesses can be cured and even prevented using vaccines, hence raising life expectancy and making peoples’ lives healthier. Medical breakthroughs (such as prosthetic hands) can also allow disabled people to live a normal life and pursue their aspirations.

To sum it up, I reassert my position on the view that today’s life is more comfortable and easier than during my grandparents’ time. Advancement in technology, better medical care and access to more goods and services are the following reasons that strengthen my opinion. I am positive that this boom in technology and medicine will make our future grandchildren’s era even better than our era.

(393 words)


TOEFL writing practice- Do you agree or disagree with the following statement? Teachers should be paid according to how much their students learn
#2

Your essay, no doubt, is excellent. I’d award 70% rating. It has flow, cogency, grammar, simplicity and substantiation of points.
Nevertheless, you could have mentioned that like communication transportation also has improved these days. Days of travel have come down to hours. Flying has become common and going abroad is affordable. Computerization is another area that deserves to be highlighted. Entertainment also plays a decisive role in today’s life.


#3

Hi, as Anglophile stated, this is very good. I was able to spot a few possible areas for improvement though. I would rate this a 4.5 I think. Here are some specific comments:


#4

Luschen, please let me know if ‘To sum up’ should be ‘To sum it up’. We often (perhaps, always) use the former.


#5

Hi Anglophile. I think both are acceptable. I suppose I would prefer “to sum up”, because as you said, that seems to be more common.

Edited: Ngram proves you correct!

https://books.google.com/ngrams/graph?content=to+sum+up%2C+to+sum+it+up&year_start=1800&year_end=2000&corpus=15&smoothing=3&share=&direct_url=t1%3B%2Cto%20sum%20up%3B%2Cc0%3B.t1%3B%2Cto%20sum%20it%20up%3B%2Cc0


#6

I think if you write ‘to sum it up’ you need to refer to a concrete object rather than using the phrase as a general conclusion.


#7

Thank you, Luschen, for the confirmation!


#8

Luschen, Anglophile and Torsten, thank you all for your comments and suggestions. I shall definitely adhere to them.