TOEFL Essay Sample: Actions speak louder than words

English as a Second Language Preparation for and help with the TOEFL® Test and
1

Hi everybody,

My name is flávio, I’m from Brazil, and I’m going to do the toefl IBT test next saturday (January, 12th).
I’ve tried to write some essays and tried to get prepared for the test. But, studying alone is always something dificulty to do.
So, I wrote the essay below and I really would apreciate if somebody could correct it and give me a feedback. Please!

Essay topic: Do you agree or disagree with the following statement?
Actions speak louder than words
Use specific reasons and examples to support your response.

I strongly believe that actions speak louder than words. Because when a person do something, everybody who is around will judge the results of the action and will conect the action to the person who did it.
One good example of it is the politician who is involved in a political scandal. Regardeless the politician can proove his inocence, the most of people will conect the politician’s image to the escandal, and maybe don’t support him in the next election process.

Another point which has to be observed is that people speaks about many things and someones speak a lot, all the time, about things that are no true. That’s why the socyet are getting used to not believe in words, but in acts. Because acts are more dificult to be unreliable. The acts, always leave results and the the results are the best exemple of the reliability of the acts.

I’m going to give one good exemple of how an act can speaks louder than words: once in my life, I was trying to get a new job and had to do some selection tests. Because there was only 1 vacance and 10 candidates. The test selections included some group dynamics, and one of those dynamics were as follows: the the test aplicant asked to every candidate who really spoke english and all test takers answered that we really spoke english. So, the test aplicant, continued making other questions in our mother leguage ( portuguese). After 30 minutes, the test aplicant left the room and didn´t come back. After 10 minutes, another woman come to us and talked in english: “The test will continue in the room number 1546, at the 5th floor, in about 5 minutes. Who uderstood me, please leave this room right know and go to the new room where the test will be placed”. After the woman left the room, only 3 candidates went to the room 1546, at the 5th floor.

By this exemple, is very easy to understand how the actions talks louder than words. Because, although all the candidates sad that they really spoke english, only 3 of them really understood the information that the test would continue in another room.

I can over this essay, supporting the idea that actions is more reliable then words, saying that is easier to relly that a person is really capable to understand the topics discussed in an american university analysing the person’ toefl exam results than only if the person say that he is capable.

TOEFL listening discussions: What will the student probably do with her next paper?

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Hi,

Essay topic: Do you agree or disagree with the following statement?
Actions speak louder than words
Use specific reasons and examples to support your response.

I FIRMLY believe that actions speak louder than words because when a person doES something, everybody who is around will judge the results of the action and will conNect the action to the person who did it.

One good example of it is the politician who is involved in a political scandal. Regardless OF WHETHER the politician can prOve his inNocence, MOST people will conNect the politician’s image to the scandal, and maybe WON’T support him in the next election process.

Another point which has to be observed is that people speak about many things and some speak a lot, all the time, about things that are noT true. That’s why SOCIETY IS getting used to not believING in words, but in actIONS. Because actIONS are more difFicult to be unreliable. ACTIONS always leave results BEHIND and results are the best exAmple of the reliability of the ACTIONS.

I’m going to give one good exAmple of how an actION can speak louder than words: once in my life, I was trying to get a new job and had to do some selection tests because there was only 1 vacancY and 10 candidates. The test selections included some group dynamics, and one of those dynamics WAS as follows: the apPlicant asked every candidate who really spoke English and all test takers answered that we really spoke English. So, the test apPlicant, continued DOING other questions in our mother lANguage ( Portuguese). After 30 minutes, the test aplicant left the room and didn´t come back. After 10 minutes, another woman come to us and talked in English: “The test will continue in room number 1546, ON the 5th floor, in about 5 minutes. WhoEVER uderstood me, please leave this room right now and go to the new room where the test will be HELD”. After the woman left the room, only 3 candidates went to room 1546, ON the 5th floor.

By this exAmple, IT is very easy to understand how actions SPEAK louder than words because, although all the candidates saId that they really spoke English, only 3 of them really understood the information that the test would continue in another room.

I can WITH this essay, support the idea that actions ARE more reliable then words, saying that IT is easier to REALISE that a person is really capable OF understandING the topics discussed in an American university analysing the person’ toefl exam results than only if the person sayS that he is capable.

I have made some changes in capital letters.

Alan

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Hy Alan,

Thanks a lot for correcting my essay. I really apreciated your job.

How many points do you think I could get with that essay in Toefl IBT test?

See you,

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Hi there.

I really woud like somebody to rate my essay.

Could anybody do it for me?

Thanks,

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Hi flaviomarcelinho,
I think your essay is in good grammar and well-organized. However, the points that you made to support your opinion seems a bit confusing and unclear. Personally, I think you will get the score of 3 or 4 for this writing.
Good luck!!!

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Thanks for yor rate.
Is very important for me to receive some coments like yours, because they will help me to improve my writing.

Thanks a lot !

See you,

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Hi Flávio,

If you read some of the TOEFL essays your fellow TOEFL candidates have posted here on the forum, you will get a better idea as the level of your writing skills. How many TOEFL essays have you read so far?

Regards,
Torsten[YSaerTTEW443543]

TOEIC listening, photographs: A parachute[YSaerTTEW443543]

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Hi Torsten,

First, I’d like to thank you for your attention.
Now, answering your question; Yes, I’ve been reading essays on the forum and I could see that my writing skills are not as very good as the ones on the forum.
But, I need you rate my essay, because I need to realize how many points I could get with the writing skills I have right now.
So, I’ll be able to know how long I’ll need to spend improving my skills to get a 5 points rate in Toefl IBT.

I’m waiting for your rate.

Thanks a lot.

See you

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Hi,
I am not sure why I feel that I have not improved with my writing essays. For that reason, I decide to share the essays I write to be rated or corrected. I will also be happy to accept any comment.
I feel shy to not progress in my writing, but I think it is the moment to accept critics and comments.
[color=blue]Could somebody check my essay?, please.

When I see this stament I get shocked because I could not imagine how to prepare a plan according to the type of information I wanted to inlude in my essay. If you have other idea about how to respond to this essay let me know, and I will be thankful to you :wink:
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It is a common phrase heard by all people, but not many put it in practice. I agree with that stament since a person can speak very good things, but his or her acts and facts will say which kind of person he or she really is. I am sure everybody has heard this phrase in one or other way. For example, “teach with the example”, “the facts speak by themselves”, or “the words are carried by wind, but the facts stay”. All these phrases make reference to the actions, facts and what is visible as the most important thing in a speech or discourse.

It is a common phrase repeated by many but followed by few. Many countries boast of the human rights that they have, but at the same time these nations are in wars. This is a clear example of those actions speak louder than words since the words are nothing if they are not followed by real facts.

The persons that speak the same with words and facts are the persons that we call persons with integrity because they have adherence with the facts and words they speak. A person with this characteristic is someone that have coherence in the form of life and the form to do the thigns.

This phrase makes me remeber a person who wrote a wonderful book. He was Victor Frankl, and he wrote a book based in the fact that he lived in a concentration field in the second World War. His actions spoke louder than words because he survived and wrote how a person that have a purpose in life can survive. His strong to survive after being inside a horrible place speaks louder than the words in his book. This means that his book has much more sense with the living example of him. He exposes in the book how a person can have strenght to live having a purpose in life. For me his book had been just a good book without his experience, but his experience is a fact that makes me feel firmly in all his words written in that book. The facts do not only speak louder than words, but facts can also make stronger the words.

There are many other examples in the political history of the world of people that do things and these things speak louder than words. For example, in scence this is a phrase very important since demonstrations speaks louder than all the theories proposed. If a scientist proposed something without proved how his or her information can be taken into account. The considerations is in the facts and actions. A theory without actions or facts does not have support and it wil follow being jut a theory.

For all above, I should say that facts speak louder than words. I am sure that is true at least in the example of someone and in sciece.

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HI, i’m tri. I’ve tried to correct your essay as much as i can. So, if there is still incorrect things, welcome all extra comments.
It is a common phrase heard by all THE people, but not many CAN put it in PRACTICAL. I agree with that STATEMENT FOR a person can speak very good things, but his or her acts and facts will EVALUATE which kind of person he or she really is. I am sure THAT everybody has heard this phrase in one or other WAYS. For example, “teach with the example”, “the facts speak by themselves”, or “the words are carried by wind, but the facts stay”. All these phrases make reference to the actions; facts and what ARE visible is the most important thing in a speech or discourse.

It is a common phrase repeated by many but followed by few. Many countries MAKE boast of the human rights that they have, but at the same time these nations are in wars. This is a clear example of those actions speak louder than words since the words are nothing if they are not followed by real facts.

The persons WHO speak the same with words and facts are the persons that we call persons with integrity because they have adherence with the facts and words they speak. A person with this characteristic is someone that HAS coherence in the form of life and the form to do the THINGS. This phrase makes me REMEMBER a person who wrote a wonderful book. He was Victor Franks, and he wrote a book based ON the fact that he lived in a concentration field in the Second World War His actions spoke louder than words because he survived and wrote how a person that have a purpose in life can survive. His strong to survive after being inside a horrible place speaks louder than the words in his book. This means that his book has much more sense with the living example of him. He exposes in the book how a person can have STRENGHT to live WITH a purpose in life. For me, his book had been just a good book BUT his experience, but his experience is a fact that makes me feel FIRM in all his words written in that book. The facts do not only speak louder than words, but facts can also make stronger THAN words.

There are many other examples in the political history of the world of people that do things *(and these things) speak louder than words. For example, in SCIENCE, this is a phrase, WHICH IS very important, since demonstrations speak louder than all the theories proposed. If a scientist proposed something without PROVEMENT how his or her information can be taken into account. The considerations are in the facts and actions. A theory without actions or facts does not have support and it will STILL BEING JUST a theory.

For all above, I WOULD say that facts speak louder than words. I am sure thIS is true at least in the example of someone and in scieNce.

I think your idea is seemly good or your grammar structure is acceptable either. If you want us to share the learning english’s experience together. My id: darkangel12891. Nice to meet you.

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Nice to meet you too :wink:

Thank you for correct my essay. Now I realize that I have to put more attention to my typo mistakes and many other things…
We can share experiences, I will write to you.

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hi! i am sel. I am a new member. It is good to join you:)
And this is my essay.

I’m afraid it’s not clear to decide if what I do has a bigger impact than what I say. Although It is difficult to choose, I can say actions speak louder than words. Actions are more memorable and sometimes people talk without taking action.

Why the actions are more memorable? Firstly, when you say something, probably people forget; do something, in contrast, they remember more easily. In addition, When you do hands on you can learn easier. For instance, If you learn English in English country, it will be easier learn English than non English country.

Furthermore people sometims talk without taking action. For instance, All the world there are many people who don’t keep promises. Especially politicians, All of them are always talking without doing action. Moreover, some of us have relationships. Sometimes your boy friend says he loves you but he doesn’t show this. As a result, you can’t believe these people.

In conclusion, It is better talk less do more.

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Good evening Sel. Nice to have you here,

I’m afraid (I am undecided as to whether) what I do has a bigger impact than what I say. Although It is difficult to choose, I can say actions speak louder than words.
Actions are more memorable, and sometimes people talk without taking action.

Why (are) the actions more memorable?

Firstly, when you say something, probably people forget; in contrast,(when you do something) they remember more easily. In addition, (w)hen you do hands-on you can learn easier.
For instance, (i)f you learn English in (an) English country, it will be easier (to) learn English than (in a) non-English country.

Furthermore people sometim(e)s talk without taking action.

For instance, (a)ll (over) the world there are many people who don’t keep promises, (e)specially politicians.
All of them are always talking without doing (anything).

Moreover, some of us have relationships.
Sometimes your boy-friend says he loves you, but he doesn’t show this.
As a result, you can’t believe these people.

In conclusion, (i)t is better (to) talk less (and to) do more.

A nice essay Sel, although a little short. You have a good command of English, and your sentences are well structured.

Let’s see more of your work please.

Please remember to start your own “New Topic” the next time you post.

Kitos.

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thank you so much

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hello Kitos! This is tomasito again. I miss you and Yamilet. I stayed away from this community fo a long time and I think I forgot many things that I learned during the time I was here.

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Welcome back Tom. Please stay around this time, your comments are always honest and true.

Bill.

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Hey
our friend Tomasito
pleased to meet you again.
where haven’t you been? I haven’t seen you for ages.
there is nothing to be worried about, as soon as you start to write in this forum you start being pessimistic about your English. no wonder, it’s a quite common sense. however, you will surely write nice things as you did. keep up writing assays. greeting and making new friends are secondary I think. as you told, I myself learned a lot here and I have made new friends and pen-pals. Yamilet took her test and it result in pretty good score. now my test is remained, which is in fifty days but I will definitely keep writing here after my test. because I will have another exam and I don’t like to lose track of my friends.what do you do by the way? I was wondering whether you are a student and you wanna take toefl,gre or ielts exam or you just wanna improve you English and making new friends besides.

I’m glad to see that you are here again.
we missed you.

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Hi Sel.
pleased to meet you here.

I agree with Kitos.
please take his advices.
just take a look at the date of this essay (Tue Jan 08, 2008 18:13 pm)
it baffled me why you did that.
please start a new topic to write as I’ll write in this topic.

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Hello Richard! It is a pleasure to meet you too. I was absent because I needed to have a time to study, after next month I will take an exam to get in university and in the last days I was so busy in my work. Now I found a time to came here eveyday. Well I am not studying English to toelf or something like that. It just only to speak very well. this is my goal. :wink: I won tbe pessimist anymore, thanks for you advice. As soon as possible I will publish a new esasay lol see you Richard

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nice to meet you too!
I
am sorry. I’m a new member that’s the why. Next time I will start a new topic.