IELTS Task 2: The better way to reduce traffic congestion

[Hermit]

Hi, I’m a newcomer. This is my first post and I am really nervous because I am quite timid. I am trying to improve my writing skills but I am not sure my essay is good enough. Could someone please grade my essay in IELTS bandscore? I am obliged for your help.

Topic: Some people believe government should spend money on building train and subway lines to reduce traffic congestion. Others think that building more and wider roads is the better way to reduce traffic congestion.Discuss both views and give your opinion.

Today’s governments are intensifying efforts to mitigate pressing problems related to traffic. Some hold a belief that the pragmatic solution to curb traffic jams is to build more broad roads, whereas others argue that it is better to pour money into constructing train and underground railways. Although the former seems to have a positive effect on reducing traffic congestion, I firmly believe that the latter is a more practical method to tackle the issue effectively.

On the one hand, it can be clearly seen that building and expanding roads cost less money when compared with the construction of more train and subway tracks. This is because governments do not have to squander taxpayers’ money into the expenditure of railway infrastructure. Moreover, with mass production of vehicles, an increasing number of private transport must be the cause for massive congestion bottlenecks in some countries. This is the reason why road extension may be the key to alleviating traffic density in areas with inadequate road and highway facilities, especially at peak hours.

On the other hand, there is little question that constructing more railroads and underground tunnels would be a more effective measure to ease traffic congestion. The reason is that the expansion of railway and subway systems will certainly reduce tremendous pressure on transport infrastructure due to the reduction of traffic volume. As a result, this will help ease traffic flow, which will increase living standards of citizens. Moreover, in the long run, this approach will have a positive effect on the public perception of train and subway lines, which will lead to the increase in the amount of rapid transit. In the end, the decline in exhaust emissions of vehicles may lessen the effects of global warming.

In conclusion, while the building of widened streets seems to have some obvious advantages, I am sure that investing in expanding train and underground networks is a more pragmatic solution to the traffic jam problem.

[Torsten]

Hi Hermit, welcome to our forum and thank you very much for taking the time to post your first essay here for review. I’m sure that TJ or Alan will further comment on your writing skills while I’d just like to say the following: Your writing is very good and you should continue expressing your thoughts in writing since in our age of AI standardized test such as the mighty IELTS will have less and less significance but what will increase in importance is your thoughts rather than your formal writing skills. In other words: What you write is much more important than how exactly you write it. Your writing skills are absolutely sufficient to write good articles that have an impact on the way other people are thinking.

As for the topic at hand, I do agree with some of the points you are making and would like to add that the most effective tool of decreasing traffic congestion is autonomous interconnected cars. As of now, the average car is only used about 8% of the time while 92% of the time it is parked. This means our cities have been built around cars and car parks rather than around people.

With autonomous driver-less cars we will be able to dramatically reduce the number of cars by combining rides and sharing vehicles. As of now, Google with its subsidiary Waymo are pioneering this technology. As a matter of fact, they will start offering autonomous taxi services in restricted areas in US cities next year.

[Hermit]

Thank you for your kind words, Torsten. Your comment helps me realize what is more important when in comes to writing essays because there are times when I focus so much on advanced grammar and vocabulary that I cannot convey my ideas clearly. By the way, your writing on autonomous interconnected cars is a great idea which I never think of. Thank you again, Torsten. You have made my day.

[Luschen]

Hi, welcome to the forum. I think your essay is very good and shows a wonderful mastery of English. Your structure is clear and you have addressed the prompt correctly. I do think you should spend a little more space stating your personal opinion and the reasoning behind it - this should be about 1/3 of your body, although including it as part of your conclusion is fine. Your writing is very clear, though you do have some minor mistakes here and there. I still think it may score at the band 7 level. Here are some specific suggestions:

@Hermit

Today’s governments are intensifying efforts to mitigate pressing problems related to traffic. Some hold a belief that the pragmatic solution to curb traffic jams is to build more [wide] roads, {or do you mean wider roads? Probably best to say “build more highways” or “build additional thoroughfares”} whereas others argue that it is better to pour money into constructing [trains] and underground railways. Although the former seems to have a positive effect on reducing traffic congestion, I firmly believe that the latter is a more practical method to tackle the issue effectively.

On the one hand, it can be clearly seen that building and expanding roads cost {I think “costs” works better here, because this is really one action} less money when compared with the construction of more train and subway tracks. This is because governments do not have to squander {“squander” is a very loaded word and it doesn’t really work here anyway. Squander might be if you pay a company to build the railroad and they never finish it, so the money is completely wasted} taxpayers’ money into the expenditure of railway infrastructure. Moreover, with mass production of vehicles, an increasing number of private transport [vehicles] must be the cause for massive congestion bottlenecks in some countries. {this isn’t that convincing to me - it seems like demand for cars is what drives the supply} This is the reason why road extension {road extension means making a road longer, not really wider or increasing its capacity} may be the key to alleviating traffic density in areas with inadequate road and highway facilities, especially at peak hours.

On the other hand, there is little question that constructing more railroads and underground tunnels would be a more effective measure to ease traffic congestion. The reason is that the expansion of railway and subway systems will certainly reduce tremendous pressure on transport infrastructure due to the reduction of traffic volume. As a result, this will help ease traffic flow, which will increase living standards of citizens. {make sure to clarify the connection between less traffic and increased living standards} Moreover, in the long run, this approach will have a positive effect on the public perception of train and subway lines, which will lead to [an] increase in the amount of rapid transit. {it seems like it would lead to an increased use of rapid transit, which is a different though closely related point} In the end, {“in the end” is used as a conclusion transition, not to introduce an additional point - “finally” would work better} the decline in exhaust emissions of vehicles may lessen the effects of global warming.

In conclusion, while the building of widened streets seems to have some obvious advantages, I am sure that investing in expanding train and underground networks is a more pragmatic solution to the traffic jam problem.

[Hermit]

Thank you very much, Luschen. I agree with you that I should focus more on stating my opinion. Thanks to your comment, I realize my mistakes and I also learn some new synonyms for the words that I used in my essay as well. I will definitely write them down in my notebook for my future use.