Could you review my essay and give me a piece of advice about it? (40 integrated TOEFL essay)

Question : Summarise the points made in the lecture, being sure to explain how they case doubt on specific points made in the reading passage.

Many scientists believe it would be possible to maintain a permanent human presence on Mars or the Moon. On the other hand, conditions on Venus are so extreme and inhospitable that maintaining a human presence there would be impossible.

First, atmospheric pressure at Venus’ surface is at least 90 times greater than the pressure at Earth’s surface. This means that a force of 100 kilograms is pressing down on every square centimeter of surface. All spacecraft that have landed on Venus have been crushed by this extreme pressure within an hour of landing. Almost anything humans might land on Venus would be crushed as well.

Second, as far as we know, there are no reservoirs of water on Venus’ surface, and the planet’s atmosphere, made up mostly of carbon dioxide, nitrogen, and sulfuric acid, contains hardly any oxygen or water vapor Water and oxygen would therefore probably have to be supplied to Venus from Earth. The idea of ensuring a regular supply of water and oxygen from Earth is impractical in the extreme and would probably defeat the purpose of establishing a permanent station on Venus.

Third, very little sunlight reaches the planet’s surface. About 60 percent of the sunlight that hits Venus is reflected back into space by the thick clouds that fill the atmosphere, which means that only 40 percent of the sunlight can get through the clouds Below these clouds is a dense layer of carbon dioxide, which blocks even more light, so very little light reaches the surface. The lack of light would prevent the use of solar power cells, so humans could not get electricity to power their machines and equipment.

Hello everybody,
I wrote an integrated essay based on reading and audio above. Please, check it and give me your feedback

The passage and the lecture are both about this fact that a human cannot live on Venus as a result of the conditions that exist there. The writer of the passage thinks that it is impossible. However, the lecturer disagrees with the claims made by the writer. He believes that it is possible even though it may not be without challenges.

First of all, the writer argues that atmospheric pressure at Venus’ surface is high compared to the pressure at Earth’s surface. The article mentions that the pressure would damage all spacecraft and humans that land on that planet. This specific argument is challenged by the lecturer. He claims that in the higher atmosphere the pressure gets lower. Additionally, he says there is no danger to hurt spacecraft or humans.

Secondly, the writer suggests the plant is lack of water and oxygen. In the passage, it is said that providing the plant with water and oxygen from the Earth is not practical. The lecturer refutes this by mentioning there other chemicals like carbon dioxide, nitrogen, and sulfuric acid. He explains this by raising the point that by using and compounding those chemicals water and oxygen could be produced.

Finally, the writer posits that Venus receives a little amount of sunlight which back to space by the reflection of thick clouds. Moreover, it is stated in the article that humans would not be able to use their machines and equipment due to a lack of light that is a source to make electricity. In contrast, the lecturer’s position is the clouds are not very thick and reflect the sunlight. He points out that solar power cells can use both the direct sunlight and the sunlight are reflected by clouds


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