your suggestions about my writing

Dear members,

I have written an essay in 45 minutes. I would be pleasure if you edit it and tell me my mistakes. The question was about agree or disagree idea. Thank you

air traffic is increasingly leading to more noise, pollution and airport construction. One reason for this is the growth in low cost passenger flight, often to holiday destinations. Some people say that government should try to reduce air traffic by taxing it more high heavily. Do you agree or disagree.

Nowadays, our global communication has fasted and also transformation and doing of any task have to carry out in a short time. Some people believe that air traffic leads to construction of more airport, more noise and more air pollution which is due to low cost of passenger flights that anybody can flights to everywhere like holiday destinations, but some others recommended that government should try to reduce air traffic by taxing it more heavily.

In my opinion, construction of new airport is essential for these days, because we need to transform from place to place in a short time. For instance, most of the university professors have to flight for teaching in other cities; furthermore, most of us need to flight for doing our jobs. Therefore, increasing the cost of passenger flights leads to our destruction.

I remember when my brother and I wanted to fly to Turkey for vacation after three months working which was made us upset. Really, we needed a pleasure time for recovering and relaxing, but unfortunately the high cost of flight dose not allowed us. Therefore, we had to spend our leisure time at house and so, it made us depressed.
Although concerning about the global environment is a good thought, but I think the mentioned way is not applicable in this case. The best way for solving this problem is to planning and construction of a new model airplane that make lees noise with less pollution, not increasing high tax on flight tickets.

However, anybody needs to do anything in a little time exactly like improving global network, telephone conversation and so on. For example, if we have to do a vital thing, like posting an essential thing or transforming a vital tool for doing an important surgery, we have to post it by flight. Consequently, increasing of high tax on flight tickets leads to irreparable damages and I don’t agree with the mentioned idea.

TOEFL listening discussions: A conversation between a university professor and a student in the professor’s office

Hi, your writing is not too bad. I think your structure could be better though. Your thesis statement should be more clear. You should also begin each body paragraph with a topic sentence outlining the reason you will support in that paragraph. It is also good to end with a short conclusion, perhaps you were running out of time. Remember that “transform” is different than “transport”. By working on your overall structure, I think you can quickly improve your essays, but for now, I would rate this essay a 2.5 out of 5.

Dear Luschen,

Thank you very much for your time and consideration. Also, I appreciate your suggestion.

Many thanks again