Your school has received a gift of money, what is the best way to use it?

English as a Second Language Preparation for and help with the TOEFL® Test and
1

Please give me your comment on this essay. Many thanks

My school has received a gift of money; I think my school should spend the money primarily on accommodating equipment in the laboratory. A potion of the money should be spent on buying new books in the library. And the rest of money should be spent on creating more extra-curricular activities for student. By spending money this way, the school will definitely improve student’s performance.

First of all, almost of my school’s equipment are in poor condition, some of them are broken down, some are needed to be repaired, not mention there is not enough computers for students to use frequently for practice. This is, I believe, the most serious problem that my school are facing and, so far, the school’s administrations seems not have any solution. The gift of money absolutely should be spent in equipping more facility so that student will work better in the laboratory time.

Second of all, the library is lacked of many book item necessary for research and the library’s books are not updated very often. Imagine that students in business can hardly find books specialized in economy, or students in technology information, like me, can not find the latest version of some programming books. Even worse, the library is always overcharged in the beginning of each semester because the number of basic books in the library is not enough for all the students. Spending money on library is, in my opinion, a very good idea to help student get a better study result.

Lastly, my school should spend money on extra-curricular activities. Participating in such activities, not only can help student refresh their self, but also give them chances to get to know the others in classes. Moreover, activities like visiting company specialized in technology or business area will considerably help student to catch up with practical knowledge that can not be found in any book.

By spending money on improving the laboratory’s equipment, buying new books for library and adding more extra-curricular activities, my school will take one crucial step to motivate the students, offering them a better chance to study. My school definitely will get pay-off by the unexpected positive performance of students.

TOEFL listening lectures: How did Queen Elizabeth acknowledge the English victory?

2

Please give me your comment on this essay. Many thanks

My school has received a gift of money; I think my school should spend the money primarily on accommodating RENEWING AND UPDATING equipment in the laboratory. A poRtion of the money should be spent on buying new books FOR the library(,) and the rest of money should be spent on creating more extra-curricular activities for studentS. By spending money this way, the school will definitely improve student’s performanceS.

First of all, almost ALL of my school’s equipment are IS in poor condition, some of them are IT IS broken down AND some ITEMS are needed to be repaired, not TO mention THAT there ARE not enough computers for students to use frequently for practice. This is, I believe, the most serious problem that my school are IS facing and, so far, the school’s administrations seems not have any solution. ThIS gift of money absolutely should be spent in equipping PROVIDING more facilitIES so that studentS will CAN work better in theIR laboratory time.

Second of all, the library is lackING IN many bookS item necessary for research(,) and the library’s books are not updated very often. Imagine that students in business can hardly find books specializING in economy, or students in technology information, like me, cannot find the latest version of some programming books. Even worse, the library is always /overcharged/OVERDRAWN/ AT the beginning of each semester(,) because the number of basic books in the library is not enough for all OF the students. Spending money on THE library is, in my opinion, a very good idea to help student get a better study result.

Lastly, my school should spend money on extra-curricular activities. Participating in such activities, CAN not only can help student refresh their selfTHEMSELVES, but also give them chances to get to know the others in classes. Moreover, activities like visiting companIES specializING in technology or THE business area will considerably help student to catch up with practical knowledge that (cannot) be found in any book.

By spending money on improving the laboratory’s equipment, buying new books for THE library and adding more extra-curricular activities, my school will take one crucial step to motivate the students, offering them a better chance to study. My school WILL definitely will get /pay-off/REWARDED/ by the unexpected positive performance of students.
::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::
Not bad BS, but if ever anyone needed to spend more time reading, IT IS YOU! You will never improve until you recognise the errors in your work. Reading is the key to solving all of the problems.

Kitos. 7.5/10

3

Thanks, Kitos!

Besides doing more reading, any other advise that you can give me? I think I have problem with the way I use vocabulary and other problem is that there are so many little error that I could not find out by my self.

4

That is what I mean BS. By reading English publictions; newspapers and magazines, you will quickly recognise the simply errors you have been making.