Young people nowadays do not give enough time to helping their communities

[Tesoke]

Hi, would you please evaluate my essay, Thanks a lot.

Do you agree or disagree with the following statement? Young people nowadays do not give enough time to helping their communities. Use specific reasons and examples to support your answer.

Different people have diverse opinions about whether young people give enough time to helping their communities or not. Some of them think that young people nowadays have much information about society and community and they are enough learnt to help to solve communities’ problems; however, I really disagree with their mentality and I think that young people nowadays do not give enough time to helping their communities, because of being more indolent, weak didactic systems, and because they have many personal complicated problems.

First of all, I think that new and advanced technologies have changed people, and young people too, into indolent persons who prefer to enjoy their own life. They spend much time to loll on a sofa and eat pasta and sandwich and watch TV, but do not give any time to help others. I think that modern life teaches people to be conceited and only care about themselves and spend their money and time to solve their own problems. Young people have learnt to expect governments to solve their communities problems too.

In addition, I think that nowadays didactic systems only care about teaching children to get a proper job in the future. Schools do not have enough courses about community and the importance of being a helpful person for the society. I have experienced my country didactic system and I can admit that none of government officials did not think about changing courses into which teach students to being more profitable persons for others. When students have not learn these important lessons in schools, we cannot expect them to give enough time to helping their communities, when they are young people.

Last but not least, I think that most young people are confused and scared because of many overwhelming and hard-to-solve economic problems. I have a young friend that thinks hours in a day about house bills and so he cannot sleep well because of nightmare. We live in societies where cannot be confident about ourselves and our children’s future. People who have enough money and proper jobs are obligated to be concern about their children’s future too. So, how can we expect from young people to forget their own complicated problems and give enough time to helping their communities in such societies?

In conclusion, I know that social networks and Internet have increased young people’s knowledge about communities and their problems and governments try more to use young people to solve them, but I think that young people have many personal problems and nobody should expect them to help to solve others’ problems.

TOEFL listening lectures: A university lecture by a professor of Social History

[Luschen]

Hi Tesoke, your intro seemed a little rough, but the rest of your essay was much better. You have some good ideas and have communicated them pretty effectively. You do have some errors in usage and some sentences that could be improved a little - overall, I would rate this a 3.5 out of 5.

@Tesoke

Hi, would you please evaluate my essay, Thanks a lot.

Do you agree or disagree with the following statement? Young people nowadays do not give enough time to helping their communities. Use specific reasons and examples to support your answer.

Different people have diverse opinions about whether young people give enough time to helping their communities {try not to copy the prompt word-for-word} or not. Some of them think that young people nowadays have much information about society and community and they are enough learnt {“enough learnt” is incorrect - maybe “are informed enough to”} to help to solve communities’ problems; however, I really disagree with their mentality and {“as” might be better here than “and”} I think that young people nowadays do not give enough time to helping their communities, because of being [youth are] more indolent,{more than older people, or more than they used to be? A little unclear} weak didactic systems, {“didactic systems” is unclear to me here} and because they have many personal complicated problems.

{Your intro is a little wrong - you say some people think youth could help, but you think they don’t. This isn’t really the opposite viewpoint, as you can hold both opinions}

First of all, I think that new and advanced technologies have changed people, and young people too {maybe say “people especially” to emphasize it more} , into indolent persons who prefer to enjoy their own life. They spend much time to loll[ing] on a sofa and eat[ing] pasta and sandwich[es] and watch[ing] TV, but do not give any time to help others. I think that modern life teaches people to be conceited and only care about themselves and spend their money and time to solve their own problems. Young people have learnt to expect governments to solve their communities['] problems too.
{your topic sentence focuses on “new and advanced technologies”, but you don’t really discuss this at all in your paragraph. I think the paragraph is good, but maybe change the topic sentence to “our convenient modern lifestyle” or something more general like that}

In addition, I think that nowadays didactic systems {I think it is better to just say “the educational system” - didactic seems like you might be talking about something else} only care about teaching children to get a proper job in the future. Schools do not have enough courses about community and the importance of being a helpful person for the society. I have experienced my country['s] didactic system {didactic is probably ok here, as you have already stated what you are talking about} and I can admit that none of [the] {you have to use “the” with “none of”} government officials did not {this was a double negative} think about changing courses into [those] which teach students to being more profitable persons for others. When students have not learn[t ] these important lessons in schools, we cannot expect them to give enough time to helping their communities, when they are young people. {this sounds a little odd, as students are young people - maybe say “when they leave school” or “when they are not in school”}

Last but not least, I think that most young people are confused and scared because of many overwhelming and hard-to-solve economic problems. I have a young friend that thinks hours in a day about house bills {“house bills” sounds odd - maybe just bills or “about rent and bills”} and so he cannot sleep well because of nightmare[s ]. We live in societies where [we] cannot be confident about ourselves and our children’s future. [Even] People who have enough money and proper jobs are obligated to be concern[ed] about their children’s future too. So, how can we expect from young people to forget their own complicated problems and give enough time to helping their communities in such societies?

In conclusion, I know that social networks and Internet have increased young people’s knowledge about communities and their problems and governments try more to use young people to solve them, but I think that young people have many personal problems and nobody should expect them to help to solve others’ problems.

TOEFL listening lectures: A university lecture by a professor of Social History

[Tesoke]

Thank you so much. Would you please explain about your following comment. You say: {Your intro is a little wrong - you say some people think youth could help, but you think they don’t. This isn’t really the opposite viewpoint, as you can hold both opinions} So, I think when people think youth help and I do not, so it is opposite viewpoint. I cannot why they are not. Would you please explain more. Thanks a lot.

[Luschen]

You are welcome. Yes, my explanation was a little unclear. In your intro you did not say “people think youth help and I do not”. Instead you said something like “people think youth have the knowledge to help, but I disagree, I think they do not help”.

So in the first part of your intro it sounds like you are addressing the question “Can youth help their communities” but in the second part of your intro you are addressing the question “Do youth help their communities”.

Personally, I think the first one, “can youth help?” would be a better prompt, but the actual prompt is the second one, “do youth help?”. To me, the prompt seems like it is asking you to debate a fact, which seems silly. We could look up some statistics and verify whether youth volunteer hours are rising, falling, or steady. But even if the prompt seems silly, you still have to address it, which you do, except for that first half of the introduction.

[Tesoke]

Thank you so much for those convincing explanation. Bless you.