It is really critical that youngsters to contribute in their society since they regard as a more energetic group of each community. Personally, I believe that young generations do not dedicate sufficient time to assist to their society. I feel this way for two reasons, which I will explore in the following essay.
First of all, young people have not been taught the value of engaging in their community. To be more specific, education systems do not allocate any courses that teach students the importance of contribution in their society, or parents just encourage their children to study hard in order to be a top student; therefore, get a well-paid job after graduation.
Secondly, technology has changed peoples’ life especially young adults. Technologies like computers or the Internet take away a much free time of young people, so they do not have time for other activities like taking part in their communities’ issues. In other words, they spend their free time in the virtual world rather than the real world. Consequently, they are not aware of what happens in their communities. For instance, when they have spare time, they try to surf the Internet, use social media, listen to music, or play games.
In conclusion, I am of the opinion that young people these days do not participate in their community. This is due to the fact that they have not learned the values of community and how to take part in it, and because the advent of technology has altered life
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The question is how exactly define the term ‘community’. A community can be geographically limited to the people who live in your physical proximity. But with new technologies such as the internet we can connect with people from anywhere in the world and build communities. As a matter of fact, this very forum here is an online community that has the potential of bringing people together. Speaking of which, what do you think of the of contributing to our online community?
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you are right, thanks for your feedback. I must read and answer the question carefully. Actually, it was my second independent essay. I will try to develop my writing skill.
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what do you think generally about my essay if I leave out that sentence you mentioned it?
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Here you need to use a subjunctive. Also, you need to use a passive (‘since they are regarded as…’)
Why don’t you look into obtaining microcredentials instead of struggling with the old fashioned system which soon will be obsolete anyway?
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Sorry, I didn’t get this " Why don’t you look into obtaining microcredentials instead of struggling with the old-fashioned system which soon will be obsolete anyway? " . What should I do for developing my writing skill?
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As far as I understand you are trying to obtain a TOEFL score. If that’s the case you might want to consider alternatives.
If you just want to ‘improve your skill’ (we usually say ‘writing skills’ you first need to define your purpose and your audience. Who exactly do you want to write for and what do you want to write about?
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