Hi Timmy, many thanks for joining our forum. Please tell us what kind of feedback you expect? From what I see you need to start writing short and simple sentences in natural English. Currently, you apparently think your native language and then translate your thoughts into English. That’s why I suggest you read this: English for Winners
Please let me know what you think.
Also, let’s see what @tim_m and @Andrea have to say.
Best regards,
Torsten