Writing task 1, aiming for band 7

[mitchey]

please evaluate my essay. Thank you in advance.

Your friend is about to celebrate a landmark birthday and has asked for suggestions as to how it should be celebrated.
In your letter
Thank your friend for inviting you to that party and say that you have some ideas about how to celebrate it.
Suggest what type of party your friend could have.
Suggest a good place to hold the party.

Dear Sam,

I am writing to let you know that I received your invitation for your landmark birthday celebration.

First of all, I would like to thank you for counting me in your party and would gladly share my fabulous yet simple birthday preparation ideas. You can’t imagine how well I prepared my thoughts on this.

Firstly, I am suggesting that you will have a cocktail party in which it will be themed as “90’s”. We will invite all the members from our student council team so everybody has to wear a cocktail dress. I am very much excited on what color and style your dress is.

Since it is a party full of foods and drinks, I am recommending the pub near our apartment which caters a large ballroom inside. It has a good ambiance suitable for the party and I am pretty sure everybody will enjoy.

I guess we should meet next week to execute this plan.

See you,

Mitch

[Luschen]

Hi Mitchey, welcome to the forum. I thought your letter was pretty good, but I have some suggestions. Actually, to me the prompt was a little confusing. Your friend wants you to plan the party, but she has already invited you to the party? How can you get invited to a party that hasn’t even been planned yet? Well, I guess we have to work with the prompt we are given.
That said, “inviting” here probably does not mean you receive a written invitation in the mail, but probably just a phone call telling you that her birthday is coming up. Anyway, I am probably being too picky. Your letter did address all the points of the prompt well.
The tone of your letter is a little too formal and businesslike. This is a letter a professional party planning company might send, not really a close friend. So try to sound less bossy and instead make suggestions. I made some comments on how to phrase your future tense sentences, native English speakers usually do not realize how difficult it is to make the future tense sound really natural. Here are some other comments:

@mitchey

Dear Sam,

I am writing to let you know that I received your invitation for your [big 50th] birthday celebration. [Half a century, wow that is impressive!] {giving details like this is better than just repeating the prompt’s “landmark” and shows you understand what landmark means here. Oh, below I see you are targeting a younger age group so maybe "invitation for your big 18th birthday celebration. You are finally an official adult! }

First of all, I would like to thank you for counting me in your party and [I am glad to] {or “would be glad to share” also sounds very natural} share my fabulous yet simple birthday preparation ideas. You can’t imagine how well I prepared my thoughts on this. {this sounds a little weird to me - maybe add some details to make it more natural - “You know how much I love planning special events, so I have been preparing a lot of thoughts and ideas on celebrations like this over the years.” }

Firstly, I am suggesting that you will have {the future tense in English is very tricky - “will” is generally used to show determination or a promise - “I guarantee you that this will be the best party ever.”} a cocktail party in which [could] {this sounds much more polite} be themed as “90’s”. {it’s more natural to say “which could have a 90’s theme.”} We [can] invite all the members from our student council team[,] so everybody has to wear a cocktail dress. I am very much excited [to see] {"or “to find out”] what color and style your dress is.

Since it is [going to be] {“going to” is the “standard” future tense} a party full of foods and drinks, I am recommending [we hold it at] the pub near our apartment which [features] a large ballroom inside. It has a good ambiance suitable for the party and I am pretty sure everybody will enjoy [themselves there]. {here “will” sounds good because you are sort of making a promise}

I guess we should meet next week to execute this plan.

See you,

Mitch

[mitchey]

Thank you for the feedback, will take note all your corrections… Godbless! More power.