Writing practice: Toefl Independent essay 2020

Dear Sir/ Madam
Kindly evaluate my independent essay.

Do you agree or disagree with the following statement? It is important to keep your old friends than to make new ones.
Friends are one of the most important people in our lives, who have a great influence on our lives both directly and indirectly. In my opinion, I disagree with the idea that having new friends is not as important as keeping old peers. I feel this way for two main reasons that I would explore in the subsequent paragraphs.
To begin with, new friends teach us new values, where they help in developing our personality. In fact, at different stages of our lives, people need to change from the way they are thinking and dealing with different situations. Consequently, this could be possible by connecting to new people having a different mentality, where they can inspire you to do different actions that are different from the routine you were living in. My personal experience is a compelling example of this. During my childhood, I had some good friends that encouraged me to study and become superior in my class. We used to compete together, as in a race, to prove who can get the highest grades. However, when I grew up and went to college, I connected with new people who were totally different from my childhood peers. They taught me how to become strong and independent. In other words, they aided in completing the structure of my personality in various ways. For this specific reason, I believe that new friends are as important as old ones.
Moreover, old friends are not always available all the time, since people move constantly and need new ones to be able to adjust to the new conditions. As part of the life cycle, people move from one place to another in search of a better life, career, and stability. Eventually, we get physically separated from our old friends and have to start looking for new friends to share our life with. For instance, a few years back, I lived in Egypt, where I had all my childhood and college friends. I was very connected to them and thought that I would never think of making new friends. However, I got married and had to move to Dubai, it was a completely new environment, where I can’t meet my old friends. Consequently, I started socializing with new people and made lots of friends who helped me get adapted to the new community. Thus, new friends are essential in our life, where they help us to get used to a new place.
To sum it up, obviously, keeping old friends is important, but that doesn’t interdict that making new ones is similarly important. Not only that they can help improve our characteristics, but they also enable us to become accustomed to the new habitat.

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Hi Maryam, welcome to our forum. I suggest you first read the essays posted by your friends such as @Memo34 and start helping each other:

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Thanks sir for replying. However, I just hope you can grade my essay, as I am planning to take the exam by the end of December.

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Who do you mean by ‘sir’? My name is Torsten. I understand that you might be planning to take the TOEFL exam in December and that’s all you care about but there is much more to life than just the TOEFL. The essay you have written can be created by an AI system so why bother trying to compete with it? Instead, you might want to start engaging in human-to-human interaction. Have you ever thought about it?

By the way, where and how did you learn the word ‘interdict’? I had to look it up in the dictionary. @Memo34 Do you know the word ‘interdict’? If not, do you have any idea where @Maryam_1990 might have learned it?

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I don’t know the word “interdict” but I found it in the dictionary. I think @Maryam_1990 found it in the dictionary too.

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So I suggest you start using phrases you have seen before in texts you have read. Please stop creating your own phrases by translating your thoughts from your native language into English. Start thinking in English and start communicating with each in English.

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Thanks, Torsten for your response. You are right about the word “interdict” I found it in the dictionary. The main reason for using this word is that I didn’t want to repeat myself. However, I will definitely take your advice into consideration.

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