Writing in IELTS

Shahla · November 3, 2009, 1:01pm

Hi everybody’
I will be grateful if anybody revise this writing to me.Unfortunately it seems imposible to show the bar graph .
Write a report for a university lecturer describing the information above. You should write at least 150 word
The bar graph shows fertility in Gulf countries in ten year period of time between 19990 and 2000.Based on this graph in all of these countries there are downward trend in the fertility. In the 1990 the highest rate of fertility belonged to Oman at 7 births per woman followed by Arabia at 6.8, Qatar at 4.2,UAE at 4.1,and then Kuwait and Bahrain at 3.5.However in 2000 the situation of Oman and Saudi Arabia changes and therefore in this year Saudi Arabia was the most fertile country in this region at 5.7 fertility followed by Oman at 5.6 and then Qatar at 3.5,UAE at 2.9 and then Kuwait at 2.8 and Bahrain at 2.4.As it can be seen in the graph the situation of Bahrain and Kuwait changed in 2000 compared with this situation in 19990.
We can find out from this graph that in the 1990 the most fertile country between Gulf countries was Oman and the least one was Kuwait then after ten years all figures decrease but not equall for all them .As a result in 2000 the highest figure belong to Saudi Arabia and the lowest one to Bahrain.

TOEFL listening lectures: Which country was not an important cotton grower in the 19th century?

Richard · November 3, 2009, 9:18pm

Shahla:

Hi everybody’
I will b[/b] be grateful if anybody revise this writing to me. Unfortunately it seems imposible b[/b] to show the bar graph.
(Why did you use this emoticon? were you crying? Kidding)
Write a report for a university lecturer describing the information above. You should write at least 150 word b[/b]
The bar graph shows fertility in Gulf countries in ten year period of time between 19990b[/b] and 2000.(from 1990 to 2000=If I’m not mistaken) Based on this graph in all of these countries there are downward trend in the fertility. In the 1990 the highest rate of fertility belonged to Oman at 7 births per woman followed by Arabia at 6.8, Qatar at 4.2,UAE at 4.1,and then Kuwait and Bahrain at 3.5.However in 2000 the situation of Oman and Saudi Arabia changes(changed/was changed)and therefore in this year Saudi Arabia was the most fertile country in this region at 5.7 fertility followed by Oman at 5.6 and then Qatar at 3.5,UAE at 2.9 and then Kuwait at 2.8 and Bahrain at 2.4.As it can be seen in the graph the situation of Bahrain and Kuwait changed in 2000 compared with this situation in 19990.
We can find out from this graph that in the 1990 the most fertile country between Gulf countries was Oman and the least one was Kuwait then after ten years all figures decrease but not equallb[/b] for all them .As a result in 2000 the highest figure belong to Saudi Arabia and the lowest one to Bahrain.

In 1990
See this one; click on it:
How to write a date
Did you write it yourself? How knowledgeable you are!
Oh! we haven’t the bar graph!
I’m not familiar enough with this type of writing. I just skimmed it; sounded not bad. Depends heavily on what that bar chart was.
Good luck with your writing.

Teacherdominic · December 9, 2009, 9:37pm

The bar graph shows fertility in Gulf countries in the ten year period of time between 19990 and 2000.Based on this graph in all of these countries there was a downward trend in (delete the) fertility. In (delete the) 1990 the highest rate of fertility belonged to Oman at 7 births per woman followed by Arabia at 6.8, Qatar at 4.2,UAE at 4.1,and then Kuwait and Bahrain at 3.5.However in 2000 the situation of Oman and Saudi Arabia changed and therefore in this year Saudi Arabia was the most fertile country in this region at 5.7 fertility followed by Oman at 5.6 and then Qatar at 3.5,UAE at 2.9 and then Kuwait at 2.8 and Bahrain at 2.4.As it can be seen in the graph the situation of Bahrain and Kuwait changed in 2000 compared with this situation in 19990.
We can find out from this graph that in the 1990 the most fertile country between Gulf countries was Oman and the least one was Kuwait then after ten years all figures decrease but not equall for all them .As a result in 2000 the highest figure belong to Saudi Arabia and the lowest one to Bahrain.

Not too bad at all. There are some things to work on though.

Firstly, this piece of writing is a language test of course and there are a few language problems evident from your writing. You need to look at these problems first of all as they would appear to be systematic - which can be a problem. Did you check your writing for mistakes? Typically this is really hard to do for a learner. That’s the bad news. The good news is that if you know what problems you have, you can then check for those problems and you are much more likely to find them and put them right.

articles - you have a consistent problem here. This is a serious problem to have as “a” and “the” are two of the 5 most common words in English.
tenses - only a couple of mistakes here, but you could have avoided them. 1990 and 2000 are in the past. Before you start writing, think of what tenses to use.

Secondly, one or two comments on your describing/analysis. You do not need to/should not include all the figures for the countries. It is not significant that Qatar was 4.1 and UAE 4.2. It would be much better to say "the fertility rate for Qatar and UAE were very similar and were just over 4. this way you get to use language - more specifically the language of comparison, which is in fact almost always the most relevant language for academic task 1.

In case you’re interested I am in the process of putting together a series of training videos and exercises on academic task 1. They should are not complete yet, but should be done by the new year. You can find the first of them here. [url]http://www.dcielts.com/?p=1118[/url]