Writing ielts task 2 _ fitness causes and solutions

[Huy_Phan]

In some countries, the average weight of people is increasing and their levels of health and fitness are decreasing.

What do you think are the causes of these problems and what measures could be taken to solve them

As the world is developing everyday, the health’s status of people are considerable. It is witnessed that the citizens in some countries have put on weight o a regular basis while their levels health and fitness decrease. This essay will discuss about why this issue happens and how to tackle it.

There are some main reasons which make people become more unhealth in some nations. Firstly, the lack of exercise will result in obesity and sedentary lifestyle. Nowadays, the adults are too busy with their business and children so that they hardly go to training venue or even do basis exercises at home. Youngster always have to do homework and even when they have free time, they choose to play video games or surf the web rather than play sports. An other reason is the higher consumption of fast and oil food in some developed countries. This factor will lead to the higher rate of fat in their blood and calories will be stored in their bodies, which makes people are becoming more unhealthy and hard to get into shape.

Some measures mentioned below could tackle this issue. The first solution is people should spend more time work out at the gym and do exercise at their workplaces. Commuters should walk to their companies as well as do simple exercises instead of sitting at the same place in their break time at work. Another method is citizens should dine more plant-based food which is good for health than meat. Eating vegetable and fruits provide us with nutrients and vitamins that protect us from many diseases. It is seen that vegetarians have always stayed healthy and kept fit with their meals.

It seems to me that the people becoming more obese are increasingly common. Eating plant-based food and doing exercises can help to reduce this situation.

[Luschen]

Hi Huy Phan, I think you have addressed the prompt correctly here and your essay has a good format for this type of question. Your writing is clear for the most part, but you have a lot of odd sounding vocabulary words and some overly complicated phrases that make a lot of your setences sound somewhat unnatural. Here are some specific suggestions:

@Huy_Phan

As the world is developing [every day], {" developing every day" sounds odd here though} the health’s status of people are considerable. {this is awkward and unclear - why not just say people are unhealthy? or a person’s physical fitness is very important?} It is witnessed that the citizens in some countries have put on weight [on] a regular basis while their levels [of] health and fitness [have decreased]. This essay will discuss about why this issue happens and how to tackle it.

There are some main reasons [that] make people become more [unhealthy] in some nations. Firstly, the lack of exercise will result in obesity and [a] sedentary lifestyle. {this is a bit off, since the sedentary lifestyle is what causes the lack of exercise, not the other way around} Nowadays, the adults are too busy with their business and children so that they hardly go to training venue {“training venue” sounds odd - maybe “go the the gym” or “go to a health club”} or even do basis exercises at home. [Youngsters] always have to do homework and even when they have free time, they choose to play video games or surf the web rather than play sports. [Another] reason is the higher consumption of fast and oil food[, with its excess oil and sugars,] in some developed countries. This factor will lead to [a ] higher rate [level] of fat in their blood and calories will be stored in their bodies, which makes [causes] people [to become] {or “which leads to people becoming unhealthier…”} [unhealthier] and [to find it] hard to get into shape.

Some measures mentioned below {this “mentioned below” sounds odd, since you have not gotten to these measures yet} could tackle this issue. The first solution is people should spend more time [working] out at the gym and [doing] exercise at their workplaces. Commuters should walk to their companies as well as do simple exercises instead of sitting at the same place in their break time at work. Another method is citizens should dine [on] more plant-based food[,] which is [better] for [one’s] health than meat. Eating [vegetables] and fruits [provides] us with nutrients and vitamins that protect us from many diseases. It is seen that vegetarians have always stayed healthy and kept fit with their [diet] meals.

It seems to me that the people becoming more obese [is] {the gerund “becoming” is the subject, which is singular] increasingly common. Eating plant-based food and doing exercises can help to reduce this situation.