would you be so kind as to assess this topic

English as a Second Language Preparation for and help with the TOEFL® Test and
1

[color=brown][size=150]please notice that this is not mine but my brother wrote it.[/size]

What is happiness?
well, a lot of people have a lot of different definitions for happiness, and accomplishing the ultimate happiness differs from one person to another, a person might be so happy if he/she graduated high school [those people tend to come from families with an educational status that is somehow below average so they will definitely feel ecstatic because they have done the ‘impossible, according to their standards; when put next to or compared with other family members, other people have very high expectations for themselves that they will be somewhat happy’ but not sad’ if they graduated med school[ those people come from families that usually rank high in the social status of the community, so becoming a doctor is not that big of a deal when compared to other family members who might and likely to be doctors or lawyers… so on ].
now , happiness to me as a reasonable person is , without a doubt is one’s own health, being healthy is highly underestimated and sometimes is taken for granted, but when someone visits a hospital and sees the horrors in the ER or in a recently bought in case of a car accident or anything else ,he/she would really start appreciating his/her own health.
I’ll give you a simple example, if someone is not satisfied with his/her life and is constantly complaining about how life have been unfair to him/her and that they deserve much better than what they have ,[ but let some one of these people have a splitting headache for a day and they would definitely forget how" life’s been unfair" and start begging for some medicine to make the headache go away, but when it does go away they would forget to appreciate their health and go right back into complaining again], and i’d say that this is perfectly normal giving the humane nature that can not be satisfied even if given the treasures of the earth.
to sum up , happiness to me is not included in or restricted to only one thing , ,iam happy because iam in med school, iam happy because i have a close loving family and caring, easy-going relatives [which is hard to find these days], but the one thing iam happy because is that i’m healthy and without a doubt that is a thing hardly felt until it is gone.

TOEFL listening discussions: What does an unlimited parking pass include?

2

[color=brown][size=150]please notice that this is not mine but my brother wrote it.[/size]

What is happiness?

Well, a lot of people have a lot of different definitions for happiness, and accomplishing the ultimate happiness differs from one person to another(.)

A person might be so happy if he/she graduated high school(.)

Those people tend to come from families with an educational status that is somehow below average(,) so they will definitely feel ecstatic because they have done the 'impossible, according to their standards(.)

When put next to(,) or compared with(,) other family members, SOME people have very high expectations for themselves; that they will be somewhat happy’ but not sad’ if they graduated medICAL school.[ Those people come from families that usually rank high in the social status of the community, so becoming a doctor is not that big of a deal when compared to other family members who might and ARE likely to beCOME doctors or lawyers… so on ].

Now , happiness to me as a reasonable person is , without a doubt is one’s own health(.)
Being healthy is highly underestimated(,) and sometimes is taken for granted, but when someone visits a hospital and sees the horrors in the ER(,) or in a recently bought in case of a car accident or anything else ,he/she would really start appreciating his/her own health.

I’ll give you a simple AN example; If someone is not satisfied with his/her life(,) and is constantly complaining about how life HAS been unfair to him/her(,) and that they deserve much better than what they have ,[ but let some one of these people have a splitting headache for a day and they would definitely forget how" life’s been unfair" and start begging for some medicine to make the headache go away, but when it does go away they would forget to appreciate their health and go right back into complaining again], and i’d say that this is perfectly normal giving the humane nature that can not be satisfied even if given the treasures of the earth.–UNBELIEVABLY LACKING IN PUNCTUATION!

To sum up , happiness to me is not included in or restricted to only one thing , ,iam happy because iam in med school, iam happy because i have a close loving family and caring, easy-going relatives [which is hard to find these days], but the one thing iam happy because is that i’m healthy and without a doubt that is a thing hardly felt until it is gone.
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I’m sure your brother is intelligent, but …

Look at his last paragraph! Why am I not surprised that he is a doctor?
Why did you feel driven to post your brother’s work?

Kitos.

3

Thank you very much,I appreciate it.

Indeed,the main cause that made me ask my brother to post his essay is to see your assessment.

And really he want to see his score.

[color=brown][size=150]Please if you can assess this essay[/size]

4

Your brother is intelligent without doubt, but his unnecessary use of brackets and poor use of correct punctuation completely spoiled what was an excellent essay. He appears to have had no real interest in writing this essay, opting instead to make a hash of it.
I recognise his abilities and would urge him to use his skills more effectively. Many people would love to have his talent, but he should avoid appearing contemptive.

Kitos. 8/10