We regret to inform members of the passing of Mr. Milan Kwee on 9th March 2021. Mr. Milan Kwee has led a full and rich life, and has built a legacy that is now enjoyed by the generations beyond his time. The Federation extends our deepest condolences to Mr. Kwee’s wife, Renee, his children – Gene and Dawn, and their family.
Would it be better if the comma after Dawn be replaced by a dash?
Thanks.
We regret to inform members of the passing of Mr Milan Kwee on 9 March 2021. Mr Milan Kwee lived a full and rich life and built a legacy that is now enjoyed by generations beyond his time. The Federation extends its deepest condolences to Mr Kwee’s wife, Renee, his children - Gene and Dawn, and their families.
Yes, I’d go for a dash. Torsten has modified it well, though!
We regret to inform the members of the passing of Mr Milan Kwee on March 9, 2021. Mr Kwee lived a full and rich life, and built a legacy now being enjoyed by generations beyond his time. The Federation extends its deepest condolences to his wife, Renee, his children - Gene and Dawn - and their families.