Why is music important to many people?

[Alirrrrrr]

I’ve not been here for a long time. I’ll be happy if you do a favor and revise and rate it. Thanks in advance

People listen to music for different reasons and at different times. Why is music important to many people? Use specific reasons and examples to support your choice.

Art has been known as the most significant feature which has always been taken into account in order to study history of an empire, nation or a place. Whatever seems to be scenic or pleasing is produced via a special skill or ability which is known as an artistic work. Nowadays, music also is known as one the most attractive joys of folk. Each of the artistic work has some reasons to be noticeable for the fans and anthropologists (as an interesting issue to evaluate different generations of people in different spot of the world). A question arises here is to what extend music is regarded important for most of people. A couple of music aspects that makes it powerful are written in the following for having a more profound analysis.

First and foremost, people who have been living these days are engaged with a lot of hardships which poses a lot of physical and spiritual problems for them. The proliferation of their problems is due to their more stress for their work load in order to have a luxurious life style. So, people are used to do something to have a better relaxation and forgetting whatever have been happened in their work places. Music could be regarded as an easily accessible everywhere and every time to have a better feeling. Actually, music could be listened to have an unrealistic happiness by listening the exaggerative happiness that is held in a specific music.

Second, as music have been popular, the vast majority of populace in different countries have listened and followed their own favorite singers’ music. This makes a special power for the high-caliber singers. Furthermore, some singers have decided to extend their attitude about a social problems, a culture, a religion, and a policy that is held in a certain country in order to use their own power to change the problems that had annoyed them. Take, for instance, Shadmehr who is a Persian pop singer is living in the USA decided to make a special music video for the sake of those who had been arrested for having complained against biased behavior that is held in the country. Consequently, a widespread unhappiness for this happening was extended among people in the world and then the government have been obliged to unleash the arrested ones. In a word, there is a lot of historic problems that have been solved by the content of a music or what have been narrated in a music about that issue.

Taking all of the mentioned aspects of music importance into account makes it clear that music is not known just as a facility for having a fun time but could be regarded as a way to warn people about problems. Moreover, many a severe problem that has been solved by having been published a music about that issue. Finally, music will bring a better future and happier moments for us, if the singers keep going in the correct way.

TOEFL listening lectures: A lecture from a social sciences class

[Luschen]

Hi Alirrr, I really liked the content of your essay. Your example in your second body paragraph was especially good. But some of your sentences were very confusing and sounded really awkward, so it was sort of a slog getting through parts of your essay. I have tried to make some suggestions to make your phrases more natural, but in some cases the whole sentence is just not formed correctly. Overall, despite your great ideas, I can only rate this one a 3 out of 5.

@Alirrrrrr

I’ve not been here for a long time. I’ll be happy if you do a favor and revise and rate it. Thanks in advance

People listen to music for different reasons and at different times. Why is music important to many people? Use specific reasons and examples to support your choice.

Art has been known as the most significant feature which has always been {“which should always be taken” seems better in this context} taken into account in order to study [the] history of an empire, nation or a place. Whatever seems to be scenic {“scenic” sounds a bit odd, as it usually refers to natural beauty, not art} or pleasing is produced via a special skill or ability[,] which is known as an artistic work. Nowadays, music also is known as one the most attractive joys of folk. {“attractive joys of folk” sounds odd} Each of the artistic work[s ] has some reasons to be noticeable for the fans and anthropologists (as an interesting issue to evaluate different generations of people in different spot[s ] of the world).{this sentence sounds very awkward, also avoid using parentheses} A question [that] arises here is to what exten[t is] music is regarded [as] important for most of people. A couple of music aspects [of music] that makes it powerful are written in the following for having a more profound analysis.{this last phrase sounds very unnatural}

First and foremost, people who have been living {“have been living” sounds odd, like you are contrasting them with those who are dead} these days are engaged with a lot of hardships {you are not really “engaged with hardships” - maybe “are encountering a lot of hardships”} which pos[e ] a lot of physical and spiritual problems for them. The proliferation of their problems is due to their [increased] more stress for [from] their work load in order to have a luxurious life style.{it sounds like the stress improves their lifestyle} So, people are used to {“are used to” means “are accustomed to” , which doesn’t seem like what you mean to say} do something to have a better relaxation {“to have relaxation” is wrong - just say “to relax”}and forgetting whatever ha[s ] been happened in their work places. Music could be regarded as an easily {“regarded as an …” needs a noun, so “everywhere” does not work} accessible everywhere and every time to have a better feeling. Actually, music could be listened to have an unrealistic happiness by listening the exaggerative happiness that is held in a specific music. {this sentence is very confusing}

Second, as music ha[s ] been {this tense sounds odd here} popular, the vast majority of [the] populace in different countries have listened [to] and followed their own favorite singers’ music. {this topic sentence does not really give the main idea of your paragraph} This makes a special power {“makes a power” is odd - maybe “gives power to”} for the high-caliber singers. Furthermore, some singers have decided to extend {“promulgate” is better} their attitude about a social problems, a culture, a religion, and[or] a policy that is held in a certain country in order to use their own power to change the problems that [annoy]had annoyed them. Take, for instance, Shadmehr[,] who is a Persian pop singer is living in the USA[, who] decided to make a special music video for the sake of those who had been arrested for having complained against biased behavior that is held in the country.{“biased behavior held in the country” is unclear to me} Consequently, a widespread unhappiness for this happening was extended among people in the world and then [thus] the government have been obliged to unleash {“unleash” is not really correct here - “free” is better} the arrested ones. In a word, there is[are] a lot of historic problems that have been solved by the content of a [song]music or what ha[s ] been narrated in a music about that issue.

Taking all of the mentioned aspects of music['s] importance into account makes it clear that music is not known just as a facility [means of] for having a fun time but could be regarded as a way to warn people about problems. Moreover, many a severe problem that has been solved by having been published a [song]music about that issue. Finally, music will bring a better future and happier moments for us, if the singers keep going in the correct way.{this sounds a bit odd - what is the “correct way”}

TOEFL listening lectures: A lecture from a social sciences class