why do you think people attend college and university

[Lilly1234]

I think everyone should take education, at least attend school or college in his/her relevant age. This idea could be justified with many ways and the global world where we live today proves this statement in the every step of our life.
I would like to argue my thought taking into account my statement above. Firstly, we live in the world where more countries build their economy based on the capitalism rules. It means that if you want to survive you should take care about your life and your family by you own. It is not socialism, and you have to serve to your government or to the enterprises to earn money for your life. Finding good job is essential in this context, and for this purpose you should have good educational background and experiences.
Secondly, from my point of view, to bring up useful citizens for your country demands to have in society more educated parents. Education is lights that could show us the right way when we are in the difficulties and on the border of doing something bad. Let me give you one example. Today, everybody knows what is going on in Afghanistan. A lot of international efforts are given to this country. Trust funds, regional cooperation, fight against narco-trafficking, are in this list. But international community is not able to solve the problem properly. The reason is that the education level in this country is not sufficient. The most people in this country think that the narco- harvesting is profitable and easy way of earning money. They don’t give more attention to education in theirs family.
In conclusion, I would like summarize my ideas about education. Educations is the valuable investment to our life that we gain it throughout colleges, universities. Taking part at the universities and colleges people can get the education and experiences which would be very useful in their future life.

TOEFL listening lectures: A lecture by a professor of Art

[Luschen]

Hi Lilly, I thought your essay was pretty good. You have addressed the prompt well and have some good reasons that are supported by detailed examples. I would suggest making sure your topic sentences include a clear reason supporting your thesis. You also have quite a few grammatical errors and awkward sounding phrases. Overall, I would rate this a 3.5 out of 5.

@Lilly1234

I think everyone should take [get an] education, at least attend[ing] school or college in his/her relevant age.{“appropriate” is better than relevant here} This idea could be justified with[in] many ways and the global world where we live today proves this statement in the every step {“aspect” is better} of our li[ves].
I would like to argue my thought taking into account my statement above. {this sentence does not really belong - I would just leave it out} Firstly, we live in th[is] world where more countries build their econom[ies] based on the capitalism rules.{“based on the rules of capitalism” is better} It means that if you want to survive you should take care about your life and your family by[on] you own. It is not socialism, and you have to serve to your government or to the enterprises {“or a business” is more clear} to earn money for your life. Finding [a] good job is essential in this context, and for this purpose you should have good educational background and experiences. {it is better to start out with this main point in your topic sentence - the first sentence of the paragraph}
Secondly, from my point of view, to bring up {“bringing up” is better} useful citizens for your country demands to have[having better educated parents] in society more educated parents. Education is lights [a light] that could show us the right way when we are in the difficulties and on the border{“on the edge” is better} of doing something bad. Let me give you one example. Today, everybody knows what is going on in Afghanistan. A lot of international efforts are given to this country. Trust funds, regional cooperation, [and] fight[ing] against narco-trafficking, are in this list. But [the] international community is not able to solve the problem properly. The reason is that the education level in this country is not sufficient. The most people in this country think that the narco- harvesting is [a] profitable and easy way of earning money. They don’t give more attention to education in theirs famil[ies].
In conclusion, I would like summarize my ideas about education. Educations is the [most] valuable investment to[in] our life that [, which] we gain it throughout colleges[ and] universities. [By] Taking part at[in] the universities and colleges[,] people can get the[an] education and experiences which would be very useful in their future li[ves].

TOEFL listening lectures: A lecture by a professor of Art

[Lilly1234]

Dear Luschen,

Thank you very much for your help. I really appreciate it . Actually,I have to get high score on TOEFL in order to realize my dream. I know that there are some difficulties for me in writing and speaking. Could you please, give me some tips and advise on this issue.

Thank you in advance,

Lillly