Why do Westerns marry late or even never?

Hi everybody.

I have one question to all members of forum, I would like to know your opinion about the topic.So, ones my teacher said to write a comparison essay about what we want.I thought and decided to write an essay…but I couldn’t because I can’t guess the Westerns’ reasons why??? :roll: The main idea was the comparison of the West’s and East’s people’s attidude to the marriage and their age of marriage.Well, may seem foolish :oops: , but for me was very interesting to see the comparison.I would like to ask why Western people marry so late and even never? Why the couples haven’t a child? In the west countries, the living conditions are much better than in the East, does it influence the marriage? I can say, in German there’s very low growth of population in comparison with other European countries, but living conditions are good. But in the East, though the conditions are hard, though it’s hard to bring up a child, the growth of population is higher than in the West. :shock:
What’s the main cause of westerns’ not to marry?

Can all westerns say their opinions? :?

:slight_smile: and hope I’ll find the answer…

Hi, that’s an interesting topic and you might want to read this story and the discussion that follows: Do people still get married?[YSaerTTEW443543]

TOEIC listening, question-response: Won’t you at least read the proposal?[YSaerTTEW443543]

HI Torsten,

Actually, I have read that Alan’s story and that discussion,but I didn’t mean that… :frowning: I want to know why western people just don’t get marry, they are almost alone.Maybe for their career? I want to know why?But I know most people in EU, Russia live together and don’t get married.hmm in the East I guess there’s more respect to marriage than in the West.I know people live together without getting married, but I want to know why??? I guess you don’t understand what I have asked.

For example,Torsten you belong to the west country where the same condition, what do you think why? Can you tell me one reason? Nobody is interested I think:(

Well I think that some Westerners choose not to marry to follow the example of Paul (New Testament apostle).



Thirty is the new twenty. I’m thirty now, but that means I’m really twenty… and when I was twenty, I gave myself ten years to find a mate. So if I do that again (since I’m really twenty again), I suppose I’ll giving myself another ten years… so hopefully by the time I’m forty (the new thirty), I’ll be married.

Hi prezbucky:) thanks for reply.

I understood:) But I think easterns give ten years themselves when they are 20 to marry…(not all easterns:) ) hmmm that’s one difference. The Westerns somehow steal time to realize their plans,I guess. And why do they steal the time? For what? Is that for they want to have a good career and family may influence it in negative way? Well, I dare say there’re lots of married people that have a very good career, after getting married.

yes, I think that things such as:

  • Increase in career importance, especially among females
  • Increase in education importance, among both sexes
  • Increase in travel/adventure
  • Less pressure from parents/cultural change

…are some of the main reasons why the average age of marriage is increasing in the West.

hmmmm yes, now things are clear :slight_smile: but only for my question why westerners marry late.But why do they prefer to live together istead of just marry with the person?

hey that reasons are also influence now eastern countries,such as mine-though Azerbaijan isn’t completely eastern state.For example, I’m agree with the reasons that you counted,but for many females in my country things are different.That’s why when I tell them for me average age must be ( for girls) above 26-27 they claim I’m crazy:(

Actually, I’m agree with the West for some reasons…they’re right,but I want to see the matter from both sides of it…
Things change for condition and that reasons may influence all, depends on the person’s desire.

Why is cohabitation (non-married) on the rise?

That might have to do with a departure from the traditional belief that a couple should not live together unless (or until) they are married.

Maybe because of religion, culture,traditions…of the nation.If it goes on this way,soon society will suffer with lots of problems.I don’t think it’s normal to live without marriage,but people may live together,if the conditions demand it(for couple of years) not till the end of life:) it’s unacceptable to live without marriage.

There are a number of reasons why people in the West marry later than they did 50 or 60 years ago. Many of them have to do with damaging social movements that became prevalent in the late 1960s.

One is that there were ideas in psychology at the time that said that people should feel personally self-sufficient, and that they shouldn’t need marriage or another person in order to feel happy. People later started calling this “me-ism”, which is meant to be an insulting term. Many people took this advice, and learned to be satisfied with themselves, and that made them lose the feeling that they needed to marry. Then, ironically, this made many of them unhappy later in their lives, because they didn’t know how to stop being selfish and be married.

Another thing that caused this change was feminism. At the beginning, feminism advocated the idea that women should have the same legal rights in society that men do. This is a good goal, but after they achieved the goal, that wasn’t enough, and feminists started teaching philosophies that made many women hateful and suspicious of men. No man wants to marry these women, and this makes many of them even more suspicious and hateful, which makes it even harder to attract a husband. Another thing that feminism did was make women feel guilty for marrying, having children and raising them. It made women who do this feel guilty that they aren’t career women. At the same time, the career women felt guilty that they don’t marry and raise children. This makes their brains ping-pong back and forth, and it’s hard for such women to make the decision to marry, and it’s hard for men to be married to them.

Feminism also stigmatized masculinity so much that men were discouraged from having the assertive, protective urges that marriage and fatherhood require. Men in Eastern countries don’t have this problem.

Another thing that made people in the West start marrying later was that people born in the 1940s and later grew up with a much higher level of prosperity than other people did. What they think is basic to life is actually quite luxurious to most people in the world and even to their grandparents. This is why you get young professionals who have a relatively large, four-bedroom house and two nice cars, and go out to dinner a lot, who then say, “We’d like to have children, but we can’t afford them!” Many people born after the 1940s have no idea of the material sacrifice necessary to support and raise children.

In the United States, a lot of people postpone marriage and children because they leave the university with a huge mountain of student loan debt that they probably won’t be able to pay back until their 30s.

A lot of people in the West think people will be unhappy or will surely get divorced if they marry young, and many young people who are in love at an early age are so afraid of this possibility that they don’t marry each other, even though they probably should.

The main reason some people live together instead of getting married is that they have been convinced somehow that, “You should try living together first so that you can see if you get along well enough to get married.” The problem, social scientists have found, is that people who do this are much more likely to get divorced than people who marry before they move into the same house. The reason is that these are generally people who are a bit selfish and have a weaker sense of commitment to other people. Besides, in this arrangement, the man has all the sexual benefits and other benefits, but he has none of the responsibility. And the woman has all the vulnerability, but none of the protection. Note that this cohabitation is declining in the US, as people start to understand again the importance of marriage. My impression is that this reveral toward more marriage has not begun in Western Europe, where people still seem to have their heads in the 1970s (or at least they look that way to Americans).

Another reason we don’t get married young is that there is no tradition of arranged marriage here. I actually believe that arranged marriage is a good thing when it’s done correctly.

Hi Jamie(K) :smiley: thanks for your opinion, it helps a lot.

But in most eastern countries society itself makes people marry than living together,that’s the way why young people have to marry than to experiment how long they can bear each other :mrgreen: So, if they love each other they have to marry, no other way can be. And sometimes most of them have to marry because of their parents (actually I don’t like this), parents force them to marry if they-men-come to their 30, and women 25-26.

Feminism in eastern countries on the rise I think, but there’s no problem on marrying :roll: But there’s one problem, most women like in western countries don’t marry if they want a good career.Because if to marry they’ll lose chance to make a good career, not because of they’ll not be able to afford time because of raising children, but because of their husbands,they won’t let their wifes work:( (not all of them)

Well, more men in my country don’t marry If they haven’t a good job or career yet.But there’s no problem in affording time for children.

Divorce rate is lower in the east than in the west.It’s not so easy to divorce in the east, so you must have a good reason to get divorced :mrgreen:

Yes, people who live together before marriage don’t have the same sense of responsibility that the married ones have.There’s always might be a little problems, quarrels between couples,but it doesn’t mean one can’t get along with
because of this and must get divorced.I think, between every human beings may be quarrels if they live together long, it’s a normal thing :D. And it may be abnormal if people living together don’t fight :mrgreen: not so much that they can be ready to kill each other, but a little quarrels are always possible thing, everybody must patiently approach the problem.If so, everything can be soon solved, so easy:)

Lovers’ tiffs are harmless, the course of true love never runs smooth :lol:

Lovers’ tiffs are harmless, the course of true love never runs smooth :lol

Hi Pamela :smiley:

Yes, you’re right :wink: I meant that :smiley:

Interestingly enough I happen to have lived in a “western” country (although I admit it’s a very conservative part of the country) for a while and, just about everybody I have had the privilege to meet there were either married by the time they were eighteen or got married sometime when they were still in university. Most of my friends who were in their mid-teens at the time had parents who were in their early 30s. Some high schools have day care centers.