Hello everyone. This is my second essay, and i have LOTS OF problem writing it. I spend about 2 hours (How pathetic =.=" Again, due to my shortage of ideas and i don’t know how to solve this problem). Please correct everything, including the outline as well. Please recommend if you have a shorter outline. Thank you so much.
“You have enough money to purchase either a house or a business. Which would you choose to buy? Give specific reasons to explain your choice.”
Outline:
-
Introduction: Thesis: I choose to buy a business in preference to a house
-
Body paragragh 1: Main idea: I can get much more money from doing a business
It’s everyone dream to live in a luxurious well-equipped house
However, purchasing a business can make profit
Can buy far more than that
In contrast: Unlike running a business, when buying a house, you spend all your money at one time
Very difficult to do other things afterwards
-
Body paragraph 2: Main idea: When I own a business, I acquire more life experience and gradually learn how to be a great leader
Learn how to spend efficiently and divide work evenly
Have to have the most recent knowledge of management, accounting and marketing
Learn to know how to deal with different kinds of people in different situations
Not easy
My personality: adventurous, not afraid of failure in business world
It’s worth trying
-
Conclusion: In my view, although buying a house has many benefits, I prefer runnung a business.
My essay:
If I had the opportunity of purchasing either a house or a business, I would choose the latter one. Although there are many factors that influence my preference, I would like to put 2 most conspicuous aspects in the following way.
The first reason is, I can reap more money from a business. It’s everyone’s dream to live in a luxurious well-equipped house with spacious rooms and a lovely garden. Moreover, it’s obvious that I have to own a great sum of money when deciding to buy a house. However, I realize that if I run a business, I can earn twice, or even three or four times, that amount of money and, as a result, I have more choices to choose from. Besides, unlike running a business, buying a house will cost you all of your money at once, and it’s a worst-case scenario if you are unable to do other things afterward.
Another factor is, when owning a business, I acquire life experiences and gradually learn how to be a great leader. A business is a complex system requiring not only the most recent knowledge of management, accounting and marketing but also the ability to spend efficiently and divide work evenly. What’s more, you’re likely to encounter many people, which is a good chance to learn to deal with different types of people and situations. In addition, I’m a strong person who like to take part in difficult tasks and is not afraid of failures, so a business is really worth trying. As Albert Einstein said ‘In the middle of difficulty lies opportunity’.
Different people have different preferences and ways of thinking and understanding things. In my view, although buying a house has many benefits, I prefer running a business. I hope that once I have the opportunity to do so, I will be successful.
I’m not good at writing. I hope you guys would take time and correct all of it. Thanks again.
TOEFL listening discussions: Two seminar classmates discussing their classwork
Hello everyone. This is my second essay, and i have LOTS OF problem writing it. I spend about 2 hours (How pathetic =.=" Again, due to my shortage of ideas and i don’t know how to solve this problem). Please correct everything, including the outline as well. Please recommend if you have a shorter outline. Thank you so much.
“You have enough money to purchase either a house or a business. Which would you choose to buy? Give specific reasons to explain your choice.”
Outline:
-
Introduction: Thesis: I choose to buy a business in preference to a house
-
Body paragragh 1: Main idea: I can get much more money from doing a business
It’s everyone dream to live in a luxurious well-equipped house
However, purchasing a business can make profit
Can buy far more than that
In contrast: Unlike running a business, when buying a house, you spend all your money at one time
Very difficult to do other things afterwards
-
Body paragraph 2: Main idea: When I own a business, I acquire more life experience and gradually learn how to be a great leader
Learn how to spend efficiently and divide work evenly
Have to have the most recent knowledge of management, accounting and marketing
Learn to know how to deal with different kinds of people in different situations
Not easy
My personality: adventurous, not afraid of failure in business world
It’s worth trying
-
Conclusion: In my view, although buying a house has many benefits, I prefer runnung a business.
My essay:
If I had /the opportunity of/ TO CHOOSE BETWEEN/purchasing either a house or a business, I would choose the latter one. Although there are many factors that influence my preference, I would like to put TWO most conspicuous aspects in the following way.
The first reason is, I can reap more money from a business. It’s everyone’s dream to live in a luxurious well-equipped house(,) with spacious rooms and a lovely garden. Moreover, it’s obvious that I have to HAVE a great /sum/DEAL/ of money when deciding to buy a house. However, I realize that if I run a business, I can earn twice, or even three or four times that amount of money(,) and as a result, I have more choices to choose from. Besides, u Unlike running a business, buying a house will cost you all of your money at once, and it’s a worst-case scenario if you are unable to do other things afterwardS.
Another factor is, when owning a business, I acquire life experiences and gradually learn how to be a great leader. A business is a complex system requiring not only the most recent knowledge of management, accounting and marketing(,) but also the ability to spend efficiently and divide work evenly. What’s more, you’re likely to encounter many people, which is a good chance to learn to deal with different types of people and situations. In addition, I’m a strong person who likeS to take part in difficult tasks and is not afraid of failures, so a business is really worth trying. As Albert Einstein said ‘In the middle of difficulty lies opportunity’.
Different people have different preferences and ways of thinking and understanding things. In my view, although buying a house has many benefits, I prefer running a business. I hope that once I have the opportunity to do so, I will be successful.
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Nothing really to correct. Stop worrying. Approach your task with an open mind.
You have already identified your relevant high-points, now write about them in an organised fashion.
Kitos. 8.5/10