Dear Luschen, I am back! This is not a tofel essay, but I believe my sample and mistakes will somehow be helpful to others who come to this forum. Will you help me on this one? I need your advice on the structure, and of course the gramma.
Happy new year!
Many thanks!
(Required) (500 words)
My father passed away when I was very young. Due to improper treatment, the optimal opportunity to cure his disease was missed, which eventually led to his death. Many years passed, however, nowadays hundreds of millions of Chinese are still suffering from such inefficiencies in the healthcare system. Information asymmetry and imbalanced resources allocation severely impede the improvement of healthcare services across the country. As a near victim myself, I feel a strong personal conviction to change that situation.
Thanks to my professional experience in Deloitte as an M&A transaction adviser, I see opportunities to turn my conviction into impact. As I engaged extensively in the cutting-edge areas of healthcare, I was able to meet the most talented entrepreneurs pioneering in healthcare, and learn how their business models could influence the industry profoundly. Challenges exist as well. The companies are lacking funding, talents and experience in the capital market. Regulators’ actions to open the market are slow, and the investors are watching.
My faith, together with the opportunities and challenges I see, crystalize my goal- to help companies focusing on healthcare grow, by providing them sufficient financial and managerial support. An effective way to realize this goal is to join a private equity firm. Before that, my plan is to start at investment banking, where I will develop tangible and practical knowledge required to navigate the investment career.
Now that I have gained insights into the healthcare sector through several M&A deals, and I have participated actively in some successful IPOs. While these experiences are solid and helpful, an MBA education from Wharton is essential to bridge the gap between my current professional exposure and future career vision, as it will develop me the managerial skills, leadership ability and influential network necessary to achieve my goals. The timing couldn’t be more perfect as I foresee a booming healthcare market in the coming few years.
Specially, as I was majoring in engineering at undergraduate university, I have long been eager to equip myself with a systematic and rigorous education on finance and management. Wharton no doubt meets my needs the best with the grounded curriculum and world-class professors. I am especially interested in classes and programs such as Advanced Persuasive Speaking, Formation and Implementation of Entrepreneurial Ventures and the Global Immersion Program. Wharton’s abundant career resources and strong alumni network also impress me. I learned from the alumni that even during the financial crisis Wharton still attracted an exceptional large number of employers to carry out their recruiting on campus. Moreover, the alumni are so enthusiastic to any of my queries about Wharton during the application that I am certain that they will offer the same support to my job hunting in the future. I have no reason not to choose Wharton professionally. Personally, I want to spend the important two years in my life collaborating with the best and brightest and be constantly challenged intellectually, professionally and socially to become Karen Pro or Karen Plus. I also want an environment where ideas are freely exchanged between talented classmates whose passions and expertise vary, which will certainly sharpen my mind and nurture innovative ideas. Wharton easily satisfied all my criteria, both professionally and personally.
Hi Karen, i agree that this will be helpful to those trying to compose similar statements. I am not really an expert in what will get the attention of admissions directors, but here are a few suggestions.