[Video Games]WRITING TASK 2

[Th_Bui]

Some people say that young people learn useful skills by playing electronic and computer games. Others say that young people who play electronic and computer games are wasting their time. Discuss both views and give your opinion
My essay: There have been arguments over the possible impacts that computer and electronic games might on the young. Although some people believe that playing games on computers and other electronic devices enhances certain skills, I would side with the view that it is a waste of time to play such games.
On the one hand, there are two underlying reasons why some people consider video games as a tool to sharpen some important skills. The first reason is that a variety of games can stimulate young players’ brains and sensitivity. For example, if children want to win science or puzzle games, they must spend their time and have a great concentration on games to solve difficult quizzes which helps them cultivate their creativity and problem-solving skills. Secondly, it is common knowledge that shooting games like Counter-Strike, require tremendous focus and extremely fast reflexes to complete stages in those games. As a result, with reflexes and concentration capability improved, players can demonstrate more effectively daily task which specially require those enhanced skills.
On the other hand, I am adamant that spending time on video games is a waste regardless of the possibility of skill development they might offer. Firstly, a myriad of games is addictive to youngsters since these individuals have a keen interest in characters and the wonderful world in these games. As a result, they can immerse themselves in these types of games for many hours, which leads to neglect of household chores and school assignments. In addition, instead of cultivating some certain skills by being exposed to computer games on a frequent basis, players can absorb these capabilities through healthy, educational and less time-consuming options such as reading books or participating in sports clubs.
In conclusion, it is true that skills such as problem-solving skills and fast reflexes can be improved thanks to video games. However, it seems to me that the players’ exposure to these games is time-consuming.

[Luschen]

Hi Thư Bùi, I really think your writing is getting better - this essay sounds much more natural and clear than some of your earlier essays. You have a few odd sounding phrases, but overall, I can understand your points and your grammar and vocabulary are good. I still think having a three-part answer for this type of prompt is better than the two-part essay you have here, but I understand how the two-part response is easier to write. Perhaps at least say “On the other hand, I find myself adamantly agreeing with those who argue that spending …” . This gives a little objectivity to your second body paragraph, so you are “discussing both views” as well as giving your opinion. Here are some additional comments:

@Th_Bui

There have been arguments over the possible impacts that computer and electronic games might [have] on the young. Although some people believe that playing games on computers and other electronic devices enhances certain skills, I would side with the view that it is a waste of time to play such games.
On the one hand, there are two underlying reasons why some people consider video games as a tool to sharpen some important skills. The first reason is that a variety of games can stimulate young players’ brains and sensitivity. {“sensitivity” is a little vague here - what exactly do you mean? maybe “emotional sensitivity”? } For example, if children want to win science or puzzle games, they must spend their time and have a great concentration [the ability to concentrate] on games to solve difficult quizzes which helps them cultivate their creativity and problem-solving skills. {this last clause doesn’t really follow for me - the ability to solve quizzes cultivates creativity? It seems like it is the other way around: the creativity is what gives you the ability to solve puzzles} Secondly, it is common knowledge that shooting games like Counter-Strike, require tremendous focus and extremely fast reflexes to complete stages in those games. As a result, with reflexes and concentration capability improved, players can demonstrate more effectively daily [tasks] {“demonstrate tasks” sounds unnatural to me} which [especially] {it is safest to always use “especially” instead of “specially” the only common exception is “specially made”} require those enhanced skills.
On the other hand, I am adamant that spending time on video games is a waste regardless of the possibility of [any] skill development they might offer. Firstly, a myriad of games is addictive to youngsters since these individuals have a keen interest in characters and the wonderful [worlds found] in these games. As a result, they can immerse themselves in these types of games for many hours, which leads to neglect of household chores and school assignments. In addition, instead of cultivating some [valuable] skills by being exposed to computer games on a frequent basis, players can absorb these capabilities through healthy, educational and less time-consuming options such as reading books or participating in sports clubs.
In conclusion, it is true that skills such as problem-solving skills and fast reflexes can be improved thanks to video games. However, it seems to me that the players’ exposure to these games is time-consuming [and other alternative methods for acquiring these skills are far more healthy and productive than mind-numbing computer games]. {make sure to really stress your side over the other side when giving your opinion}