Travelling with a companion

[Quang1997]

I’m Phuong, Quang’s sister, would you mind helping me correct the essay about the topic below? Thank you very much.

Topic: Some people like to travel with a companion. Other people prefer to travel alone. Which do you prefer? Use specific reasons and examples to support your choice.

With the development of economy and the living standard being raised immensely, more and more people can afford to travel to different places in their vacation, expecting to see more of the world and meanwhile have a relaxation after a period of hard work. And generally, people prefer to travel with a companion, believing it would be more fun. Whereas other people choose to travel alone, maintaining that it offers more freedom and fewer restraints. According to my personality and fondness, I would certainly choose to travel with a companion. Numerous reasons can be cited, and I would in here explain a few most important ones.

First and foremost, traveling with companions can provide for all a good helping and the trip will be safer. Sometime unexpected troubles can happen and when you are alone on the city rather than yours, that will be a serious problem because you don’t know what you have to do. While traveling with your friends can make a big differences and trip will be easier.

Secondly, traveling with a companion is more economical than vacationing alone. As leisure travel has become more and more popular, hotel operators have started to charge increasingly high costs for accommodation. Single occupancy rates are fairly uncommon nowadays, so sharing a room with a friend is good way to cut costs. Not only that, but people traveling in pairs have better access to package deals on tours, entrance fees and other activities.

On the other hand, traveling alone, I can go anywhere I love and stay there as long as I want. I can spend more time learning about things that I really want to know and discover instead of being tired of waiting for others at some boring place. Having a trip alone means that I won’t have any friends who can take care of each other when one of us got sick or get into troubles. It will be a barrier for my trip, won’t it? By the way, I think that could be a very good opportunity to learn how to prepare and take care myself. How do I know that I can do something or not? The only way to know is to do it.

To sum up briefly, I definitely prefer to travel with a companion rather than alone. This is based on the financial benefits of doing so, and because traveling with a partner makes it easy to interact with local people. A companion can bring some help, save time and money; also you can feel human’s spirit in the same time. Your eyes not only see nice landscape of nature, but the beautiful landscape of human beings.

TOEFL listening discussions: What will the student try to do with his next essay?

[Luschen]

Hi, I thought your writing was pretty good, but see my comments below about your third body paragraph.

@Quang1997

I’m Phuong, Quang’s sister, would you mind helping me correct the essay about the topic below? Thank you very much.

Topic: Some people like to travel with a companion. Other people prefer to travel alone. Which do you prefer? Use specific reasons and examples to support your choice.

With the development of [the] economy and the living standard being raised immensely, more and more people can afford to travel to different places [for] {or “during”} their vacation, expecting to see more of the world and meanwhile [relax] have a relaxation after a period of hard work. And generally, [most] people prefer to travel with a companion, believing it would be more fun[, w]hereas other people choose to travel alone, maintaining that it offers more freedom and fewer restraints. According to my personality and fondness, {“fondness” sounds odd in this context - maybe “preferences”} I would certainly choose to travel with a companion. Numerous reasons can be cited, and I [will ]would in here explain a few [more] {“most” is really only used with one reason, the most important one} important ones.

First and foremost, traveling with companions can provide [all with valuable asssistance] for all a good helping and the trip will be safer. [Sometimes,] unexpected troubles can happen and when you are alone [in an unfamiliar] city rather than [your own], that will be a serious problem because you don’t know what you have to do. [In this situation,] traveling with your friends can make a big [difference, since together you can figure out the solution to your difficulty and everyone can work together to make the trip a success] and trip will be easier. {you needed to tie your example a little bit closer to the main idea of your paragraph}

Secondly, traveling with a companion is more economical than vacationing alone. As leisure travel has become more and more popular, hotel operators have started to charge increasingly high costs for accommodation. Single occupancy rates are fairly uncommon nowadays, {well, single occupancy rates are very common - having single occupancy rates that are the same as double occupancy rates is what is uncommon} so sharing a room with a friend is good way to cut costs. Not only that, but people traveling in pairs have better access to package deals on tours, entrance fees and other activities.

On the other hand, traveling alone, I can go anywhere I love and stay there as long as I want. [On the surface, it might appear that] I can spend more time learning about things that I really want to know and discover instead of being tired of waiting for others at some boring place. [Still, in reality, my fellow travelers may encourage me to visit sites and have experiences that I would never have chosen if going solo. Furthermore, ]Having a trip alone means that I [will not] have any friends who can take care of each other when one of us [gets] sick or [gets] into troubles. It will be a barrier for my trip, won’t it? By the way, I think that could be a very good opportunity to learn how to prepare and take care myself. How do I know that I can do something or not? The only way to know is to do it. {I tried to add an additional sentence to show how if you want to introduce an alternative viewpoint, you should immediately say why is doesn’t really apply or is not important - does that make sense? The graders do not want you to be wishy-washy, they want you to choose one side or the other and defend that viewpoint. Later in this paragraph, you start repeating ideas you already presented in your first body paragraph. Then at the end, you introduce a whole new idea, but this seems to be supporting the idea that traveling alone is better, which undermines your thesis statement}

To sum up briefly, I definitely prefer to travel with a companion rather than alone. This is based on the financial benefits of doing so, and because traveling with a partner makes it easy to interact with local people. A companion can bring some help, save time and money; also you can feel human’s spirit {“feel human’s spirit” is a little unclear - what do you mean?} [at] the same time. Your eyes not only see nice landscape of nature, but the beautiful landscape of human beings.

TOEFL listening discussions: What will the student try to do with his next essay?

[Luschen]

Hi, I thought your writing was pretty good, but see my comments below about your third body paragraph.

@Quang1997

I’m Phuong, Quang’s sister, would you mind helping me correct the essay about the topic below? Thank you very much.

Topic: Some people like to travel with a companion. Other people prefer to travel alone. Which do you prefer? Use specific reasons and examples to support your choice.

With the development of [the] economy and the living standard being raised immensely, more and more people can afford to travel to different places [for] {or “during”} their vacation, expecting to see more of the world and meanwhile [relax] have a relaxation after a period of hard work. And generally, [most] people prefer to travel with a companion, believing it would be more fun[, w]hereas other people choose to travel alone, maintaining that it offers more freedom and fewer restraints. According to my personality and fondness, {“fondness” sounds odd in this context - maybe “preferences”} I would certainly choose to travel with a companion. Numerous reasons can be cited, and I [will ]would in here explain a few [more] {“most” is really only used with one reason, the most important one} important ones.

First and foremost, traveling with companions can provide [all with valuable asssistance] for all a good helping and the trip will be safer. [Sometimes,] unexpected troubles can happen and when you are alone [in an unfamiliar] city rather than [your own], that will be a serious problem because you don’t know what you have to do. [In this situation,] traveling with your friends can make a big [difference, since together you can figure out the solution to your difficulty and everyone can work together to make the trip a success] and trip will be easier. {you needed to tie your example a little bit closer to the main idea of your paragraph}

Secondly, traveling with a companion is more economical than vacationing alone. As leisure travel has become more and more popular, hotel operators have started to charge increasingly high costs for accommodation. Single occupancy rates are fairly uncommon nowadays, {well, single occupancy rates are very common - having single occupancy rates that are the same as double occupancy rates is what is uncommon} so sharing a room with a friend is good way to cut costs. Not only that, but people traveling in pairs have better access to package deals on tours, entrance fees and other activities.

On the other hand, traveling alone, I can go anywhere I love and stay there as long as I want. [On the surface, it might appear that] I can spend more time learning about things that I really want to know and discover instead of being tired of waiting for others at some boring place. [Still, in reality, my fellow travelers may encourage me to visit sites and have experiences that I would never have chosen if going solo. Furthermore, ]Having a trip alone means that I [will not] have any friends who can take care of each other when one of us [gets] sick or [gets] into troubles. It will be a barrier for my trip, won’t it? By the way, I think that could be a very good opportunity to learn how to prepare and take care myself. How do I know that I can do something or not? The only way to know is to do it. {I tried to add an additional sentence to show how if you want to introduce an alternative viewpoint, you should immediately say why is doesn’t really apply or is not important - does that make sense? The graders do not want you to be wishy-washy, they want you to choose one side or the other and defend that viewpoint. Later in this paragraph, you start repeating ideas you already presented in your first body paragraph. Then at the end, you introduce a whole new idea, but this seems to be supporting the idea that traveling alone is better, which undermines your thesis statement}

To sum up briefly, I definitely prefer to travel with a companion rather than alone. This is based on the financial benefits of doing so, and because traveling with a partner makes it easy to interact with local people. A companion can bring some help, save time and money; also you can feel human’s spirit {“feel human’s spirit” is a little unclear - what do you mean?} [at] the same time. Your eyes not only see nice landscape of nature, but the beautiful landscape of human beings.

TOEFL listening discussions: What will the student try to do with his next essay?

[Quang1997]

Thank you for your comments.