Topic7: Are Rich people always happy?

English as a Second Language Preparation for and help with the TOEFL® Test and
1

Hello, everyone.
I always try to write a essay in 30 minites, but it is still difficult to finish it within the time. I have to make more effort.

Anyway, would you please check my essay?

Topic7: Do you agree or disagree with the following statement? Rich people are always happy.

In the world, there are some people who have miliion dallars. On the other hand, there are other people who are poor. Are rich people always happier than not the rich? I don’t think that they are always happy. I have two reasons.

Firstly, I think there are more important things than money in our life. Love is one of them. We basically hope that we love other people and we are loved by them. In order to sustain a good relationship with each other, we would not be able to do it well without love. Although rich men can buy almost all things that they want, they can never purchase a good human relationship based on love even if they pay bundle of bills. If they don’t have a reliable person, our lives would be very isolation. In particular, when they became elder people, if they are alone, they must feel miserable.

Secondly, I think it is danger to regard money as the most valuable thing in life. If they consider that only money is a way for becoming happy, they have to persue a profit. To be sure, although we need money to buy something and travel abroad, we should not think that people who are happy always have money. This is because trying to earn is endless. It means that they will not be able to satisfy their mind forever. The situation would always feel them frustration rather than happy.

In couclution, for the reasons stated above, I disagree that rich people are always happy.

TOEFL listening discussions: A conversation between two students (2)

2

Hi, I thought your writing was not too bad. You do not have very many grammatical errors, but your sentence structure and vocabulary are both a bit too simple. You need to concentrate a bit more on your thesis statement and topic sentences. Your topic sentences did not really say what your main points were in each body paragraph. They sort of gave a general idea, but they need to be more specific. You had a few odd sounding sentences, but most of your writing sounded pretty natural. Overall, i would rate this a 3 out of 5.

3

Hi, Mr.Luschen.
I appreciate your corrections and advice :slight_smile:

4

i would like to phrase like this, do you feel more interesting???
introduction:
not surprisingly, stepping into the 21st century, many people are possessing an awful lot of money, conversely, in some parts of the world, there have been still severe poverty . People in this condition are actually satisfied with what they have compared to rich people whose treasures are much more enormous but always long for more!

5

Pretty good, maybe “Not surprisingly, as society is stepping into the 21st century, many people possess incredible sums of money, while conversely, in some parts of the world, there is still abject poverty. Remarkably, people in this impoverished condition may actually be more satisfied with what little they have compared to wealthy people whose treasures are much more enormous but who always long for more.”

6

dear luschen! please kind to check my essays!!!.tks you so much
10/7/2012
Name : Lê Thị Thuỳ Trang

[b]Topic:

Nowadays, the proportion of the crimes committed by youngsters is on the rise. Discuss causes to this problem and suggest solution.

Task:[/b]

In recent years, statistics unfortunately show that many youngsters are committing crimes. This fact is called young criminal behavior, and has increasingly become a subject of persuasive argue as to what trigger and how to solve it. As far as I can tell, it is the parents who are lacking concentration to their young and the fact that kids are increasingly exposing themselves to much more aggression than ever before due to the prevalence of the Internet and video game contain violent scenes. In combating young delinquency, one should underscore two remedies: parents are to pay close heed to their children’s behavior and limit or even prevent them from being exposed to aggression.

The first point to note is that one of the most common factors which feature in forming the children’s character traits is the direct influence from parents. However, nowadays, many parents show an inclination to turn a blind eye to their children due to working all the time. Poorer still, when their pressure of work multiply, they are inevitably abuse their children to release stress. It incontestably has a negative impact on youngsters’ life, in particular their daily behavior. Step by step, they are highly susceptible to employ aggression when getting angry, which is rooted in the indifference and reflection of their parents.

Common exposure to aggression also has a bearing on molding youngsters’ personality. Unarguably, in the era of technical advances, people, especially youngsters easily get access to the Internet, particularly video games. Playing video games is inherently deemed as a good way to relax but becoming an addict to it is truly undesired/ undesirable consequence. Many video games attract youngsters’ attention by not reluctantly adding violent or even sexual characteristics scenes.

Besides the neglect from parents, common exposure to aggression are the main reasons for young criminal behavior such as theft, rape, murder, and so forth, which urgently calls for radical measure taken by parents. First of all, the criminal behavior of the children should be recognized as a wake-up call to parents so that they are to decide to spend more time together with their children to control, reeducate and correct the mistakes made by the children. Plus, it is parents who should limit to a minimum time youngster spend in front of computer screen or their extreme playing video games, especially which contains unhealthy contents.

From what has been discussed, it is believed they family life and media the most important. However, parents themselves have oriented their children in life and minimized the mistakes of the youngsters, also, it is essential that parents be to restrain or even prevent youngsters’ excessive exposure to violence, which triggers them to make criminal behaviors.