Toefl - writing.

[Hdamd]

Hello,

Can somebody rates my essay, please ?

Should governments spend more money on improving roads and highways, or should
governments spend more money on improving public transportation (buses, trains, subways)? Why? Use specific reasons and details to develop your essay.

This past few decades, buses, trains, subways has been developed and are part of any townspeople’s life. Nowadays, in cities, people tend to travel more of by using public transportation than roads. Nevertheless, in suburbs traveling in public transportation is quite a challenge. After having weighting the pros and cos, I believe that the government should spend more money on improving public transportation.

I strongly believe that the governement should increase the number of trains headed for the suburbs. Indeed, I had oberseved in Paris and it suburbs that the number of trains in Paris are higher than in the suburbs. To put it differently in Paris there is a Metro every two or three minutes and a train every four or five minutes, whereas there are trains headed for the suburbs only each fifteen or thirteen minutes. Thus, the waiting time seems interminable, and I know what I am talking about. For instante, I live in Paris but my college is in Versailles, there is only one train each thirteen minutes, so if I miss one I have to wait half an hour to get the other. Therefore, it is really a waste of time and overwelleming. Bearing in mind there is always cancelled train because of the rain or the snow. That is why I think that measure have to been taken by the governement. It is a necessity.

The other reason why the governement need to spend more money on improving the public transport is that not everyone can offored to buy a car and the other spending that a car implies. I do not know about other countries but in France having the permis is really expensive. For example, my mother spends about three thousands euros, not to mention the cost of the car and the weekly buy of the gas.

Finally, putting the economical consideration aside, as a enviromental supporter, I am convinced that we should dicrease our gas consumption. First of all, the emptying of green house gas is harmful for the enviroment, and it participates to supply the gobal warming.Above all it can also create health issue. I read a survey a few weeks ago about the relation between air polution and the increase of asthma in an American area. Scientist have observed that more polution there is more illness there are. Besides, we are running out of raw material, so we could save it and use it for another purpose.

To put it in a nutshell, there is only advantages in developing public transportation.

What should I wrote in a conclusion ? I read that we have to summarize what we have said before, but I think repetitive.

Thanks you for your time.

TOEFL listening lectures: A university lecture by a professor of Art History

[Luschen]

Hi, I thought your essay was very good. You had a good overall structure with a clear thesis and topic sentences. I liked your personal and relevant examples. Your conclusion was a bit scanty - I have given you a suggestion. You do have a few grammatical errors, , misspelled words, verb tense problems, and incorrect prepositions. Most of your writing sounds pretty natural though, with few unclear or awkward phrases. Overall, I would rate this a 4 out of 5.

@Hdamd

Hello,

Can somebody rates my essay, please ?

Should governments spend more money on improving roads and highways, or should
governments spend more money on improving public transportation (buses, trains, subways)? Why? Use specific reasons and details to develop your essay.

Th[ese] past few decades, buses, trains, [and] subways ha[ve] been developed and are part of any townspe[rson’s] life.{though usually towns don’t have all of these, only cities do} Nowadays, in cities, people tend to travel more of by using public transportation than [private vehicles on] roads.{buses use roads also} Nevertheless, in suburbs traveling in {“by” or “on”} public transportation is quite a challenge. After having weighting the pros and co[ns], I believe that the government should spend more money on improving public transportation.

I strongly believe that the governement should increase the number of trains headed for the suburbs. Indeed, I had oberseved{spelling} in Paris and it suburbs that the number of trains in Paris are[is] higher than in the suburbs. To put it differently[,] in Paris there is a Metro every two or three minutes and a train every four or five minutes, whereas there are trains headed for the suburbs only each fifteen or thirteen minutes. Thus, the waiting time seems interminable, and I know what I am talking about. For instante{sp}, I live in Paris but my college is in Versailles,{semicolon} there is only one train each thirteen minutes, so if I miss one I have to wait half an hour to get the other.{it seems like you would only have to wait 13 minutes at the most} Therefore, it is really a waste of time and overwelleming.{misspelled, and this sounds odd - overwhelming what?} Bearing in mind there is always{“often” seems more realistic} [a] cancelled train because of the rain or the snow.{this does not really seem well integrated into the rest of the paragraph} That is why I think that measure[s ] have to been taken by the governement. It is a necessity.

The other reason why the governement need[s ] to spend more money on improving the public transport is that not everyone can offored{sp} to buy a car and the other spending that a car implies. I do not know about other countries but in France having the permis{this is a French word I think - do you mean “driver’s license” or “car registration”?} is really expensive. For example, my mother spends about three thousands[thousand] euros, not to mention the cost of the car and the weekly buy {“purchase” or “expense”} of the gas.

Finally, putting the economical consideration aside, as a enviromental supporter, I am convinced that we should dicrease{sp} our gas consumption. First of all, the emptying [emission] of green house gas is harmful for the enviroment, and it participates to supply{“supply” is not quite right - maybe increase or contribute to} the gobal{sp} warming.Above all it can also create health issue[s ]. I read a survey a few weeks ago about the relation between air polution and the increase of asthma in an American area. Scientist[s ] have observed that [the] more polution{sp} there is [the] more illness[es] there are. Besides, we are running out of raw material{“natural resourses” is better here} , so we could save it and use it for another purpose.

To put it in a nutshell, there is [are] only advantages in developing public transportation.

What should I wrote in a conclusion ? I read that we have to summarize what we have said before, but I think repetitive.

{Maybe “To put it in a nutshell, due to the lack of public transportation services in outlying areas, the expense of owning private vehicles, and the toll these automobiles are taking on our environment, it is clear that governments throughout the world must devote more attention and finances towards developing robust public transportation systems. As a student in Paris, I rely on public transportation, so any improvement in this area will have a direct effect on me. Still, apart from my selfish motives, it is apparent that emphasizing this mode of transport over private cars is the best choice for the citizens of the world, and indeed for the world itself.” this gives a summary of your arguments, then tries to broaden the scope of the prompt.}

Thanks you for your time.

TOEFL listening lectures: A university lecture by a professor of Art History

[Hdamd]

Thanks you really helpful