Toefl independent essay: Government should provide the poor and the homeless with houses

[sashakopaty]

The world’s economy has been growing rapidly for many decades already. However, there are a lot of poor and homeless people particularly in developing countries. In my opinion, governments should provide such people with housing. This is due to basic principles of morality.

To start with, people’s need for home is considered fundamental from the ancient times. Everyone needs a roof over his head to survive as well as every animal needs nests, holes and other forms of hideaway. Only homeless people can understand the sufferings of not having a shelter. My personal experience is a compelling example of this. A few years ago I often had to see poor people on my way to school and how they strove to make ends meet. As a rule, they could not manage decent meal and cloth living every day under the open sky. They went through the trash, in order to keep body and soul together. This is inhuman and the governments have a natural obligation to guarantee the living places for people.

Secondly, it is no big secret that lots of people are forced to leave their homes because of natural calamities or wars. Frequently, they are compelled to do humbling work to earn living. In this case, rich nations, the governments should raise their helping hand to support people. That is what makes us human. For instance, our government helped all the people who lost their homes in the flooding of Amur River. They got an essential aid, in order to restart their households. The affair gave rise to a considerable public attention. Under those circumstances, our nation literally came together. We have learned a lesson in the value of home and basic human needs.

In my final analysis, a living place is extremely important for the human being, and the civilized government should do its best to make sure there are no homeless people in the country.

[Luschen]

Hi Alice, I thought you did a good job with this essay. You have addressed the topic well and provided convincing reasons as well as detailed examples for support. You do have a few sentences that I did not understand - especially the “cloth living”. And some other phrases, although clear, did not sound completely natural. You did have some good vocabulary though, and a good variety of sentences, along with mostly correct use of articles. Here are some specific suggestions:

@sashakopaty

The world’s economy has been growing rapidly for many decades already. {this “already” sounds odd here - I would say " … rapidly in recent decades"} However, there are [still] a lot of poor and homeless people[,] particularly in developing countries. In my opinion, governments should provide such people with housing[,] due to basic principles of morality.

To start with, people’s need for [a secure place to live] {“need for a home” is ok, but home has a connotation of family, which the government cannot really guarantee} [has been] considered fundamental from the ancient times. Everyone needs a roof over his head to survive[, just] as every animal needs nests, holes [or] other forms of hideaway. Only homeless people can [truly] understand the sufferings of not having a shelter. My personal experience is a compelling example of this. {based on the previous sentence, your example would show how we cannot understand what it feels like to be homeless. But this is not really what your example demonstrates. Instead of stressing the lack of understanding, it is probably better to just say it is a very serious problem} A few years ago I often had to see poor people on my way to school and how they strove to make ends meet. As a rule, they could not manage [to obtain a] decent meal and cloth living {“cloth living” is incorrect - what do you mean here?} every day under the open sky. They went through {“they were forced to go through” is better here} the trash, in order to keep [their] body and soul together. This is inhuman and the governments have a natural obligation to guarantee [safe] living places for people.

Secondly, it is no big secret that lots of {try to avoid the repetition or even a single use of “lots of” - here is a short list of alternatives: Toefl study group - #6 by Luschen } people are forced to leave their homes because of natural calamities or wars. Frequently, they are compelled to do humbling work to earn [a] living. In this case , rich nations, the governments [of rich nations] should raise their helping hand {“reach out their helping hands” is better here} to support [the victims of these natural and man-made disasters] people. That is what makes us human. For instance, our {who is “our”? maybe “the government of Russia”} government helped all the people who lost their homes in the flooding of Amur River. They got an essential aid, in order to restart their households. [This] affair {“affair” usually has a negative connotation, so it sounds a bit odd here} gave rise [to] considerable public attention. Under those circumstances, our nation literally came together. We have learned a lesson in the value of [a ]home and basic human needs.

In my final analysis, a living place is extremely important for the [human beings], {human beings is really only used when talking about biology or when comparing humans to animals. So here I would expect maybe “important for human beings, just as it is for animals.” but that is probably not the point you are trying to make} and [a ] civilized government should do its best to make sure there are no homeless people in the country. {try to expand your conclusion a little bit - some graders do not like to see a single-sentence conclusion}

[Mona_Rmzi]

@sashakopaty

animal needs nests

What about " Animals need shelters"? Is it a correct sentence?

[sashakopaty]

Luschen, thank you for your work!
I’m sorry I forgot to put comma here : As a rule, they could not manage decent meal and cloth, living every day under the open sky.

[Luschen]

Yes, that is fine, “Animals need shelter.” is also correct, with a slightly different meaning.

[Luschen]

Ok, that makes more sense - maybe “As a rule, they could not manage to get a decent meal or proper clothing, living every day under the open sky.”