TOEFL essay - too much money on clothing

Hello! I am preparing myself for the essay part of the exam and would be happy, when someone could give me some feedback on it. The automatic system gave me 3 out of 5 as a grade. Do you agree with that? Thanks in advance!

The topic: People today spend too much money on clothing to improve their appearance.

Essay:

Nowadays, more and more people spend great amounts of money on clothing and accessories. On the other hand, some people criticize this kind of behaviour explaining that it deteriorates our enviroment as the consumption and, as a result, the production of the clothing only increase. However, I am convinced that spending money on the clothing is an importat social phenomena that has some plausible explanations.

One reason why people do spend money on the fancy clothing is that they want to be attractive. On the first glance it’s obvious but actually this desire is to explain with some evolutionary reasons: Improving our appearance we also increase our chances to survive because when one is able to attract a partner, then they can form a family and be stronger together.

The second point that came to my mind is the aestetic side of the clothing. Even Greek culture was really considered about the beauty and was emphasizing the aestetics of the human body. With an appropriate clothing people nowadays do the same thing and are trying to improve their appearance.

The last but not least argument is that clothing shows your social status: You can position yourself in the society the way you want and maybe even find some friends just based on how you look like as their style can match with yours. Clothing and the mode itself were always an important cultural aspect of our society so that it’s almost impossible to make people think less about how they appear and what they wear.

Summing all of the arguments up, I’d love to emphasize that people that spend too much money on clothing isn’t something that our society should really be considered of. It’s great cultural aspect of our life and just adds some variety to our environment so that we don’t die out from an excruating boredom.

2 Likes

Nowadays, more and more people spend large sums of money on clothes and accessories. Some people criticize this behavior on the grounds that it worsens our environment, since the consumption and thus the production of clothing only increases. However, I am convinced that spending money on clothes is an important social phenomenon for which there are some plausible explanations.

One reason people spend money on fancy clothes is that they want to be attractive. At first glance this is obvious, but in fact this desire can be explained by some evolutionary reasons: If we improve our appearance, we also increase our chances of survival, because if you are able to attract a partner, then you can start a family and be stronger together.

The second point that came to my mind is the aesthetic side of clothing. Even the Greek culture was very concerned about beauty and emphasized the aesthetics of the human body. Nowadays, with proper clothing, people do the same and try to improve their appearance.

The last, but not the least important argument is that clothes show social status: You can position yourself in society the way you want, and maybe even make friends just because of the way you look, since their style can match yours. Clothes and fashion itself have always been an important cultural aspect of our society, so it is almost impossible to make people think less about how they look and what they wear.

In conclusion, I would like to emphasize that people who spend too much money on clothes should not be seen as something that matters in our society. It is a great cultural aspect of our lives and adds some variety to our surroundings so we don’t die out from boredom.

2 Likes