TOEFL essay - Television advertising directed towards young children (aged two to five) should not be allowed

Could you look at my essay and fix some errors? Thank you so much for your time.

There is no doubt that the importance of distinguishing right from wrong plays a significant role in our daily lives in many places. Some do not mind showing television advertisements to children, others disagree. Both sides may have their own reasons to support their views. If I had to choose one, I would say that television advertising directed toward young children should be banned. Here are some reasons.

First and foremost, children aged two to five are vulnerable to discern which is real or unreal. Television advertising is using their weakness and making them confused. They are showing an unrealistic or fantasy world and letting the kids think that is a natural world and they need the product in it. I read an article in which a couple of kids jumped from the roof using an umbrella and got injured. We, as adults, would better watch over what our kids are watching and guide them to read and experience the real world instead so that they can imagine in their heads through books and know true happiness by playing with other friends.

Another reason worth mentioning is that television advertising often brings up unpleasant results. For example, my son watched the advertising showing that all the kids were enjoying the fight with some toy guns. He asked me to buy it when I said no he started to cry and throw a tantrum. What if the parents do not have enough money even though they want to buy it for their kids? They would feel ashamed and blame their poor financial condition.

In short, I strongly believe that television advertising directed toward young children should not be allowed for the reasons mentioned above. All in all, the importance of showing something which is real and right to children cannot be overstated in the pursuit of their discerning attitude in life.

2 Likes

There is no doubt that the distinction between right and wrong plays an important role in our daily lives in many places. Some don’t mind children being shown TV commercials, others disagree. Both sides may have their own reasons to support their views. If I had to choose one, I would say that television commercials aimed at young children should be banned. Here are some reasons.

First and foremost, children ages two to five cannot distinguish what is real and what is not. Television advertising exploits their weakness and confuses them. It shows an unrealistic or fantasy world and makes children believe that it is a natural world where they need the product. I read an article where a couple of kids jumped off the roof with an umbrella and got hurt. We as adults should pay better attention to what our children see and guide them to read and experience the real world instead, so that they can imagine things in their minds with the help of books and experience true happiness while playing with other friends.

Another reason worth mentioning is that television commercials often produce unpleasant results. For example, my son saw the advertisement showing that all children enjoyed fighting with toy guns. He asked me to buy them, and when I refused, he started crying and throwing a tantrum. What if the parents don’t have enough money even though they want to buy it for their children? They would feel ashamed and blame it on their poor financial situation.

In short, I strongly believe that television commercials aimed at young children should not be allowed for the above reasons. All in all, it cannot be overemphasized how important it is to show children something that is real and right so that they develop a critical attitude in life.

3 Likes

Thank you so much for your editing!! You always show me different words and expressions. I appreciated it!

1 Like