Do you agree or disagree with the following statement? Teachers should have at least the same wages as lawyers and doctors. Use specific reasons and details to support your opinion.
Nowadays, education has become a hot issue all over the world. Parents want their children have the best education and students also learn a lot for their future later. So many people think that in order to encourage the development of education, teachers should have at least the same wages as lawyers and doctors. However, in my opinion, I disagree with that statement for many reasons.
First of all, each career has its own difficulties. Frankly speaking, the work of doctors and lawyers requires a lot of complicated skills, smart and intelligence. Generally, not everyone can do those careers just excellent and outstanding people. Therefore, they are paid very much. Although teaching is also not easy, becoming a normal teacher is less aggressive than above jobs. That is one of the reasons why teachers often have lower wages than doctors and lawyers.
Furthermore, wages of any careers depend on each person who does that work. In many special cases, a teacher properly has the higher salary than some lawyers or doctors. Maybe he devotes a lot for his students and achieves so many successes in his teaching job so his salary is very high. In fact, no matter which work you do, you can also get a lot of money if you are expert in that job. So we can not expect teachers have high salary if they do not do anything special. On the other hand, if a teacher has good and effective methods of teaching students thus making them easy to understand lessons and study excitingly, he should deserve to receive high salary. Therefore, high or low salary is up to individual not general people in that career.
To sum up, all jobs bring the honor to labors unless those jobs harm people and nations. We can not say surely if we do a certain job, we will be respected more than other jobs. So I think the demand for teachers’ wages which are at least as high as doctors and lawyers is not favorable.
This is a very good effort. I think it might earn you about a 4.0 on the TOEFL 5-point scale.
You could strengthen the content by supporting your first body paragraph with some sort of practical or realistic example.
Other than that, most of the reduction in score is down to language usage. I’ve highlighted some parts where meaning is getting obscured a little because of the vocabulary and grammar you’ve used. You might like to take a shot at trying to improve those parts.
There are some other systematic errors (that do not really impact on comprehension for the reader) based on your lack of the infinitive “to” element. I’ve highlighted those sentences in blue.
Hope this gives you some ideas from improving your writing.
Thank you very much.
But could you correct my mistakes that you highlighted in red?
I highly appreciate your comment and advice because I intend to take the Toefl exam next month. However,my writing is not really good.
Absolutely you should first try to correct those mistakes on your own.
Just a friendly word of advice (and there’s no real soft way to say this) - one of the reasons essays posted to free forums often do not get any response from native speaker teachers is because some students treat the forum like a free editing service. Other than the fact that, in the vast majority of cases with writing, the things that truly need improvement are the content and organization, teachers with limited time often do not appreciate people expecting them to become free grammar correction machines.
I’ve done you the courtesy of highlighting some areas to try and improve, so now you should do yourself the courtesy of at least attempting to correct these things on your own. You will learn more from the experience that way, and once you’ve shown some effort on your own part, others might be willing to then chip in and give you some corrections.
Sorry to sound strict about it, but it’s a firm line in the sand I have to draw.
So, as I said in the original feedback to you: “You might like to take a shot at trying to improve those parts.”
Nowadays, education has become a hot issue all over the world. Parents want their children [color=red]to have the best education and students also learn a lot for their future later. So many people think that in order to encourage the development of education, teachers should have at least the same wages as lawyers and doctors. However, in my opinion, I disagree with that statement for many reasons.
First of all, each career has its own difficulties. Frankly speaking, the work of doctors and lawyers [color=red]requires a lot of complicated skills and special talent. Generally, not everyone can do those careers just excellent and outstanding people. Therefore, they are paid very much. Although teaching is also not easy, [color=red]becoming a normal teacher does not require as high qualifications as above jobs. That is one of the reasons why teachers often have lower wages than doctors and lawyers.
Furthermore, wages of any careers depend on each person who does that work. In many special cases, a teacher[color=red] can get the higher salary than some lawyers or doctors. Maybe he devotes a lot for his students and achieves so many successes in his teaching job so his salary is very high. In fact, no matter which work you do, you can also get a lot of money if you are expert in that job. So we can not expect teachers [color=red]to have high salary if they do not do anything special. On the other hand, if a teacher has good and effective methods of teaching students [color=red]so his students are easier to understand lessons and study excitedly, he should deserve to receive high salary. Therefore, high or low salary is up to[color=red] each person not general people in that career.
To sum up, all jobs bring the honor to [color=red]work-people unless those jobs harm people and nations. We can not say surely if we do a certain job, we will be respected more than other jobs. So I think the demand for teachers’ wages which are at least as high as doctors and lawyers is not favorable.
I have just correct the mistakes that you highlighted on my own, but I am not sure about those corrections. Can you give some comments ?
I admit that I considered this forum as correction machine as you said but it’s on a positive way. I asked you to correct my mistakes because I really do not know how to correct some of them. I often see essays in this forum and I want to correct them but I’m not sure so I rarely rely.
The blue insertions now show the things you successfuly corrected on your own! As a rough estimate, you were able to self-correct about 90% of the indicated mistakes all by yourself! I hope this shows the rationale behind my approach to providing corrections. Why correct a student who has the capacity to do it on their own?
I’ve added a couple of smaller corrections for you, by way of courtesy and encouragement.
The bold sentence in the passage still has problems. The way you’ve written it, it’s unclear whether you mean it is easier for the teacher to understand the students, or he can make it easier for students to understand lessons.
Based on my hint there, do you think you could try to correct this last sentence?
Hi EnglishRaven,
Thank to you, I think I can correct those mistakes.
I really appreciate your enthusiasm which encourages me to practice much more.
By the way, can you give me some tips to improve my writing?
You seem a strict teacher :lol:
