TOEFL ESSAY - Some young adults want independence from their parents as soon as possible. Other young adults prefer to live with their families for a longer time. Which of these situations do you think is better?

Could you please read my essay and correct it? Thank you so much for your time in advance.

There is no doubt that making a decision to live independently or dependently plays an important role in our daily lives in many places. Some say that young adults live with their families for a longer time, others disagree. Both sides may have their own reasons to support their view. If I had to choose one, I would say that young adults live independently from their parents as soon as possible. Here are some reasons why.

First and foremost, young adults are not children anymore, they can make a decision and they can work independently. By doing these things they are likely to be confident with what they have done. Even though they make a mistake, through the experience they can learn something critical in their lives. For example, after graduating high school, I got a job as an administrator and move far away from my parents’ house. I was lonely and sometimes wanted to go home and missed chatting with my parents. However, I tried to concentrate on the work and started studying to go to university. While I studied at school I had to care about my academic performance and naturally, I missed my parents and my friends in my hometown less and less. I even received a scholarship for a great grade in school. I felt a sense of fulfillment and finally became an independent person.

Another reason worth mentioning is that if you live with your parents it will be a so much burden on your parents. You might be content with your life because your parents prepare you meals and wash your clothes, and support you financially. However, parents need time to be away from their children and have a break. They are old and need to prepare for their own future. It is kind of a shame to let them spend money on their young adults.

In short, I firmly believe that young adults are better live by themselves independently for the reasons mentioned above. All in all, the importance of independence from parents as soon as possible cannot be overemphasized for the pursuit of success and achievement in life.

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There is no doubt that the decision to live independently or dependently plays an important role in our daily lives in many places. Some say that young adults are living longer with their families, while others disagree. Both sides may have their own reasons to support their view. If I had to choose one, I would say that young adults should live independently from their parents as soon as possible. Here are some reasons why.

First and foremost, young adults are no longer children; they can make decisions and work independently. If they do these things, they are likely to be confident about what they have done. Even if they make a mistake, they can learn something crucial for their lives through this experience. For example, after I graduated from high school, I got a job as an administrative assistant and moved far away from my parents’ house. I was lonely and sometimes wanted to go home and missed talking to my parents. However, I tried to focus on work and started studying to go to university. While studying, I had to take care of my academic performance, and of course I missed my parents and my friends in my hometown less and less. I even received a scholarship for a good grade in school. I felt a sense of accomplishment and finally became an independent person.

Another reason worth mentioning is that living with your parents is a big burden. You may be satisfied with your life because your parents prepare your food, do your laundry and support you financially. However, parents need time to separate from their children and take a break. They are old and need to prepare for their own future. It is a shame to let them spend money on their young adults.

In short, I strongly believe that it is better for young adults to live independently for the above reasons. All in all, it cannot be overemphasized how important it is to become independent from parents as early as possible in order to succeed and achieve in life.

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Thank you very much for your prompt reply. Really appreciate it.

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