TOEFL essay sample: Pollution (Broad topic)

English as a Second Language Preparation for and help with the TOEFL® Test and
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Nowadays, When human has a high level of living, our earth has exhausted of many kinds of pollution, especially is air pollution, -one of the largest polluted sources come from three causes: growing urbanisation, increasing number of vehicles and deforestation by using fire. In this essay, we will look at these three causes of air pollution problem.

One of the main common causes of air pollution is an increase in urbanisation. A lot of people have moved from rural areas to urban areas because they want to look for better schools, hospital and services for themselves. As a result, the city population become overcrowded. Also, the level of air pollution increases in big cities.

A second cause of air pollution is an increase in the number of vehicles. The cost of motorbikes is very cheap and quite afforable for most families. For example: it is quite common for each families to have 3 to 4 motorbikes in the family. As the number of vehicles increases, the levels of air pollution increase.

A third major cause of air pollution is the clearing of forests using fire. In some countries where the population is booming people have to clear forests to make room for buildings, schools, hospitals and supermarkets. Using fire to clear forest is the cheapest available tool. As the result, the smoke which comes from fires, affects and pollutes our air quality.

In conclusion, Air pollution ‘s from 3 sources: urban growth, an increase in the number of mortobikes and clearing forests using fire. It’s the time for our government and us should take actions to protect environemnt for us and our future generations.

TOEFL listening lectures: A university lecture by a professor of History (2)

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Please correct this essay. Thanks for your help

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your layout sores my retina … please rearrange it and if I don’t forget, I’ll get back to it and have a look.

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I has re-arranged my essay sentences already. Please help me to correct it. Thanks for your help

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I’m sorry I can’t go through it all, but I don’t have the time, as I would have to actually rewrite it. You’ll have to do A LOT better than this to score a TOEFL writing. Though you have a good layout, overall your essay lacks substance. It doesn’t appeal to the reader … yet. But you’re on to a good start. However, you should first enrich your vocab, learn some grammar, then start writing again

The very best of luck

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Ok, I re-write it, please help me to correct the whole essay. Thanks for your help.

PS: Dear Allan, if you could help to correct, i appreciate a lot.^^

This broad topic is "Pollution ". So i narrow the topic “Air pollution”.

Nowadays, when people have such a high living standard, earth has become the target of many kinds of pollution, especially the air pollution, -Among the causes of the air pollution, one might consider excessive urban development, increasing numbers of vehicles and vast deforestation .
( i felt this sentence confused me a bit, can we translate it into another way?)

One of the main causes of air pollution is the rapid urban development . For example, in Vietnam, a lot of people have moved from rural areas to urban ones such as HCM city, Ha Noi capital, in the search of better jobs and services for themselves. As a result, the population increase of these urban areas become overwhelming, thus brining a high level of air pollution

A second cause of the air pollution could be considered to be the increase in the number of vehicles in some Asian countries. Motorbikes are very cheap and quite affordable for most families. For example: it is quite common for each familiy to have 3 to 4 motorbikes in Vietnam. As the number of vehicles increases, the levels of air pollution follow the same trend.

A third major cause of air pollution is the clearing of forests using fire. In some countries all over the world such as Brazil, Indonesia and Sudan where the population is booming people have to clear forests to make room for buildings, schools, hospitals and supermarkets. Using fire to clear forest is the cheapest available tool. As the result, the smoke which comes from fires, affects and pollutes our air quality.

In conclusion, Air pollution comes from 3 main sources: urban growth, an increase in the number of motorbikes and clearing forests using fire. Development is always an ultimate goal that human being wants to achieve. However, earth is everybody’s home and nobody likes living in a dirty home. Together, both of government and citizens have to take actions to protect the
environment around for us and future generations.

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I think my essay lacks substances, so i add more extra places where happen air pollution.