TOEFL essay sample: 'Pets should be treated like family...'

Dear Sir,
I am going to appear for TOEFL shortly.This is my first essay,
Can you please go through and grade my essay

Pets should be treated like family members. Do you agree or disagree with the statement? Give reasons to support your opinion.

I agree to the fact that pets are the best friends in your happiness and best companions during your sorrows. So I accede with the fact pets should be treated like family members.
They are living beings like humans with basic instincts of food, shelter, proper medication in necessities, warmth and affection from master, security, freedom of movement and a place, like your family to share their feelings and an enjoyable and fruitful life. They are sociable animals in need of love from their masters.

I have experienced it from my pet, a nice blond haired doggy, a few months old not more than one foot long. I got it accidentally in the parking lot of my office. I liked it so much that even though I could not get it home, I used to care for him and daily feed him milk, bread and sometimes biscuits… He used to wait for me outside my office building like a friend every evening. We shared a nice amity for almost a year that gave me a sense of satisfaction and a cherishing time after long working hours. He was part of my life till his last breath when he died of some infection. I can’t forget my sweet little friend ever. He was a part of my family, as my mother used to cook his food; I used to get Tiffin for him along with mine to the office.

It’s a credible fact that pets like dogs are truly loyal, they get easily adjusted with the family members and share a bond with every member of the family. You miss him a lot if he doesn’t show up a single day. You care for your pets, and are quiet aware of their health, vaccines, pet foods, their doctor appointments and medications, their likings, their habits and behaviors and whim sometimes. In turn pets carry their responsibility by waiting for their master to return home after the office, play and show its affection to his friend. These create a family bondage between the pets and family members.They care for you or any other family member whether young or feeble and provide safety to the family and community as whole.

So I feel that, once you have got any animal may be cat, dog or bird, fish in aquarium as a pet at home, it is your responsibility show your affection for it in sickness, old age, or in routine life. This attachment with your pet shows up the caring and unity among your family members.

TOEFL listening discussions: A conversation between two students at their university cafeteria

Hi Dipti,

I’ve put some suggestions in CAPITAL letters:

This is quite good. Check on the suggestions I have made.