People are annoyed by the advertisements . We are already tired of deleting so many phone advertising messages everyday ; We can not remember how many flysheets have been thrown into garbage , how many pufferies are attach to public places which do the violence to the beauty of the city . To some extent , advertisement is a waste of time and money and exaggerates for promotional purpose .
However , I strongly believe that ambient commercials are not only vehicle for business to sell products to public but also a media between customers and products . From the advertisement we can get a lot of imformation such as service , products , job market , image and so on . The public can gather a lot of information to improve the qulity of life .
We will not have the chance to know , know what to buy , buy what to enjoy without the informtion which delivered by advertisements . I lived in Southern China where the climate is humid , three years ago I came to Northern China for my university study . I can’t get used to the dry climate here . One day I saw one advertisement about the air-moistener , it said that the machine can raise humidity of the atmosphere , then I bought one used it until now . There is no more dead skin on my face or no bad feelings . If our life had no advertisement , I would probably be still execrcised about the climate problem .
Advertisement can not only make life cozy and efficient , but also educate people . In Tv or on the radio , there are always some advertisements teach pople how to extinguish fire which happens in the house , teach the public how to protect themselves from the earthquake or typhoon . The images and the 3-D technique used in advertisements can always inspire people who engaged into advertisement project . Therefor , I would say advertisement is fundamental not only for business , but also , more essential , for the public .
The topic for your essay is as follows:
Some people say that advertising encourages us to buy things we really do not need. Others say that advertisements tell us about new products that may improve our lives. Which viewpoint do you agree with? Use specific reasons and examples to support your answer.
I think that you can get 3.5 for your essay.
Here are the drawbacks of your essay:
The first paragraph of your essay should be the introdcution. In the introduction, please remember to summarize in your own words what is stated in the topic and then provide your own point of view. For this essay, you should tell the reader which viewpoint you agree with: the point of view that comcercials are good for us or the point of view that commercials are bad for us.
But in the first paragraph of your essay, you just stated the negative points of commercials, but did not state your point of view. This will reduce the point of your essay by 0.5.
The last pararaph of a TOEFL essay should be the conclusion. But in your essay, the last paragraph is one of the paragraphs that make up the body. You only used the last sentence as the conclusion of your essay, which is not good for an TOEFL essay, which will reduce the point of your essay at least by 0.5.
The first sentence of the third paragraph in your essay is unidiomatic, and therefore, not easily understood.
Please do not use structuree “not only… but also…” in the first sentence (usually the topic sentence) of the paragraphs in the body part of your essay. This is because the structure “…not only… but also…” will deliver two arguments for your paragraph, and you will have to provide two different types of evidence to suppor the two arguments. For example, in the topic sentence of the second paragraph “I strongly believe that ambient commercials are not only vehicle for business to sell products to public but also a media between customers and products,” you will have to provide evidence to suppor the argument "not only vehicle for business to sell products to public " and the argument “but also a media between customers and products .” But in this paragraph, you only provided evidence to support the second argument. You have similar problems in the last paragraph of your essay.
In your essay, you also made some grammatical errors, but those errors do not interfere with the understanding of your essay.
The following is my revision of your essay. I hope that it will help you in some way.
People are surrounded by advertisements. It is common that we have to delete so many phone advertising messages everyday. To some people, ambient commercials are a waste of time and money; but to others, advertisements provide us with new information that makes our lives better. In my opinion, advertisements have more advantages than disadvantages.
First of all, advertisements are not only platforms for businesses to sell their products to the public but also convenient media established between consumers and products. Companies use commercials to introduce their new products to potential consumers, which are beneficial to both the companies and consumers. On the other hand, consumers can get a lot of useful information from advertisements such as where to find home repair services, what functions of some products are, and how many jobs are available in job markets. In this way, the public can use such advertisements to improve the quality of life.
In addition, advertisements delivers valuable information on products without which consumers will not be able to have a chance to know where to buy a certain product and how to enjoy the comfort a new product can bring to them. For example, I once lived in Southern China where the climate is usually humid. Three years ago, I came to Northern China to pursue my undergraduate/graduate studies. When I first arrived, I found that I could not get used to the dry climate here. One day I saw an advertisement on how an air-moistener works, which said that the product could increase the humidity of a room. Then I bought one and used it until now. As a result, there is no more dead skin on my face and I feel much more comfortable than before. If there were no advertisements in our life, I would most probably still have been excruciated by the climate problem.
Finally, Advertisements can be used to educate people. For example, on some TV or radio programs, the advertisements of some fire extinguishers teach people how to extinguish fire when the house is on fire. There are also advertisements of some construction companies that teach the public how to protect themselves from an earthquake or a typhoon. The images and the 3-D techniques used in advertisements can also inspire young people to be engaged in university or college advertisement programs.
Therefore, most advertisements play a fundamentally positive role in our life. They not only promote the development of business in our society, they also provide essential services to the public.
People are surrounded by advertisements. It is common that we have to delete so many phone advertising messages everyday. To some people, ambient commercials are a waste of time and money; but to others, advertisements provide us with new information that makes our lives better. In my opinion, advertisements have more advantages than disadvantages.
First of all, advertisements are not only platforms for businesses to sell their products to the public but also convenient media established between consumers and products. Companies use commercials to introduce their new products to potential consumers, which are beneficial to both the companies and consumers. On the other hand, consumers can get a lot of useful information from advertisements such as where to find home repair services, what functions of some products are, and how many jobs are available in job markets. In this way, the public can use such advertisements to improve the quality of life.
In addition, advertisements delivers valuable information on products without which consumers will not be able to have a chance to know where to buy a certain product and how to enjoy the comfort a new product can bring to them. For example, I once lived in Southern China where the climate is usually humid. Three years ago, I came to Northern China to pursue my undergraduate/graduate studies. When I first arrived, I found that I could not get used to the dry climate here. One day I saw an advertisement on how an air-moistener works, which said that the product could increase the humidity of a room. Then I bought one and used it until now. As a result, there is no more dead skin on my face and I feel much more comfortable than before. If there were no advertisements in our life, I would most probably still have been excruciated by the climate problem.
Finally, Advertisements can be used to educate people. For example, on some TV or radio programs, the advertisements of some fire extinguishers teach people how to extinguish fire when the house is on fire. There are also advertisements of some construction companies that teach the public how to protect themselves from an earthquake or a typhoon. The images and the 3-D techniques used in advertisements can also inspire young people to be engaged in university or college advertisement programs.
Therefore, most advertisements play a fundamentally positive role in our life. They not only promote the development of business in our society, they also provide essential services to the public.
Today the heated discussing topic is effects because of advertisements imminent increasing .There are many effects occurred by this situation so I strongly believe advertisements bother me obviously by various channels for example television advertisements and advertisements which constructed around attractive places there are two reason support my idea.
First of all, more than 50 percentage of recent television medias are merchandise advertisements because television media is the best and easy via for communicating to their customers especially in prime time while many people are watching popular movies or famous occasions that they interesting on the other hand as customer or watcher views they need to concentrate on their favorite programs and absolutely do not want any advertisements brother their wonderful time. the result is opposite idea between two side . For example in my country , Thailand, in the weekend I always spend my free time watch football match while I am watching them the advertisements always show during the match so it annoy me too much whereas rating of selling products increase rapidly because of a large numbers of watchers know their goods .
please provide advice to me as quick as you can
Furthermore as a tourist perspective who want to travel to beautiful natural places but almost recent travelling place are devastated by large selling board which present their products and promotions some places it is changed to be debris because many modern advertisements care only commercial such as along the vivid ,exquisite and renowned beaches in Thailand there are plenty of advertisements such as attached papers around there moreover many beaches are deployed to be commercial area by advertisers. This effect should handle by responsible people .
In the conclusion I completely believe those problems should emphasize and find out solutions for solving those problems as quick as you can and I really want advertisements would annoy me .
Please provide me some advice l’m looking forward to recieve your advice thanks
