TOEFL essay, please someone correct it and rate it, tks in adv.

Do you agree or disagree with the following statement? In order to succeed, you should be more like others than be different from everyone else.

When considering the issue of whether to be like others or to be different from everybody else, certain aspects are required to be taken into account. Being similar with others is not always a good choice. Acting different from people results in more benefits than disadvantages; having a abnormal thought is usually a path to succeed. Therefore, I disapprove that similarity brings success.

First of all, many people think that behaving like others is the best way to survive in such a competitive society. In other words, for instance, in the office, laying low prevents us from unnecessary jealousness or conflicts. However, if there is not any difference, how could a team or a corporation succeed? In other words, if the employees of an advertising company do not have novel ideas or are accustomed to regular routines, the interests of the company will always be the same or even lesser. Although having a normal thought is safe under some circumstances, having distinctive notions is the best way to succeed.

People with different ideas are more likely to acquire better opportunities. For instance, Steve Job was thought to be a weird person because of his irregular thinking. However, he became the most influential figure of the 21th century. Moreover, creative people will have more chances to find way out such as the way to get a promotion faster. In addition, creativity makes a person more easily to stand out from others, thereby readily giving others an positive impression.

Usually, the most creative people or people with different thoughts are more able to dominate the situations and get more credits from the supervisor because they are capable of detecting the potential risks and avoiding them. As a result, a leader of one team or company always has a characteristic of creativity because of their diverse points of views.

To sum up, despite the fact that not behaving outstanding is safer under some circumstances, acting differently is more possible to succeed. Being the same like others brings no progress. Not only does distinction create more opportunities in life, but also leads to domination. It is imperative that we be different from others. Were I to choose similarity or novelty, I would strongly recommend picking the novelty.

TOEFL listening lectures: A university lecture by a professor of Comparative Religion

Hi, I thought your essay was pretty good. You have a pretty good overall structure, but I did not really like your thesis statement. Your grammar is pretty good, and so is your vocabulary, but you had a lot of pretty poor word choices. You also had several sentences that were ambiguous or unclear to me. Overall, I would rate this a 3.5 out of 5.

Oh thanks for your kindness~

I think I can be better on my next essay.