Toefl Essay: Need to put a lot of money into a business to make it successful

Do you agree or disagree with the following statement? It’s necessary to put a lot of money into a business to make it successful.

Face such real life choice as whether put a lot of money into a business to make it successful necessary. Different people with diverse life experience and value may give different answers.
Learning from several lessons of my past experience, I, just skimming through the statement, tend to stand for the position that put a lot of money into a business is not necessary to make it successful. To further explain my position, I list reasons as follows.
First, in order to success in business, many factors such as good ideas, hard working or high quality of goods are much more important and necessary than money. In China, nearly every people who has a cellphone using Wechat to communicate with each other and also, Wechat is going global nowadays. When Ma Huateng, the CEO of Tencent, started his company, developed famous communicate tools such as OICQ and wechat, it is not money help him success. In this case, what matters is the idea that using this tool to connect people. Even giving a lot of money to him, without this brilliant idea he will never have Tencent. Thus, I have to say, instead of money, many other factor matters to make a successful business.
On the other hand, even using a lot of money, there is no guarantying of success in the business world. There are a lot of sports brands in China, such as Li Ning and An Ta. They put a lot of money in advertisement and you can watch their advertisement on sport TV or on bus station. They also hired famous stars or celebrities to endorse their products. At the beginning, this worked well as income grew quickly. However, this can’t last forever as soon as consumer found that quality of their products is not very well. News says that An Ta has closed many of its shops to decrease cost as sales went down. Therefore, as far as I am concerned, money can’t buy true success.
However, I have to admit that when someone begins his or her business, money indeed helps a lot. With money he or she can hires talent, does deep research and rents good office. She or he will not be bothered by shortage of money and can spend more energy on other staffs. So, this also means that money is one of the factors that can do help in business success but put a lot of money is not a necessary to make business successful.
All in all, although there are several advantages that money can bring, I still firmly believe that it is not necessary to put a lot of money in business to make it success.

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Hi Aeiou, welcome to the forum. I think you have done a pretty good job with this essay. You have a good structure and have included several examples to support your arguments. I would only include reasons that support your opinion, unless the prompt says to “discuss both sides” or “compare both viewpoints”. Your writing is generally clear, but you do have a couple odd sounding or awkward phrases, as well as some verb tense errors and incorrect preposition choices. Overall, I would rate this a 3.5 out of 5.

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