TOEFL essay: Many people have a close relationship with their pets...

Many people have a close relationship with their pets. These people treat their birds, cats, or other animals as members of their family. In your opinion, are such relationships good? Why or why not? Use specific reasons and examples to support your answer.

Being near a pet, with a lot of people, always has positive and negative effect. There are a few people who do not want to have a close relationship with our pets, treat them as members of our family. But in my own experience, if we do like that,we gain more than lost.

When we are having a pet, it means we are having a great and loyal friend. Let’s take one example. After a hard-working day, I often get stressed and tension. But when I come home, my dog wag its tail and bark to welcome me home. It often makes me feel a bit better. I frequently take my dog to the park near my house. That is the time for me to relax, enjoy the fresh air, and escape from my problems in real life.

Besides, you can learn a lot from taking care of our pets. Throughout a long time taking care of my dog, I know how hard to raise and teach it to do the right things. And it reminds me about my parents, who always take care, stand by me when I need. So, this can also teach us more about responsibility, love, etc.

In contrast, having a pet also brings with itself a lot of troubles. You need to go buying the food when it is hungry, medicine when it is sick. It absolutely takes you a lot of time to take care of them everyday.


Please check and tell me what you think about this essay.
Thanks.

TOEFL listening discussions: An assistant lecturer talking to a new student

Hi Demon,

I have added some amendments:

[i]Many people have a close relationship with their pets. These people treat their birds, cats, or other animals as members of their family. In your opinion, are such relationships good? Why or why not? Use specific reasons and examples to support your answer.

Being near a pet, with a lot of people, always has positive and negative effectS. There are a few people who do not want to have a close relationship with our/THEIR pets AND treat them as members of our/THEIR family. But in my own experience, if we do ( like) that,we gain more than (lost) THAN WE LOSE.

When we are having/HAVE a pet, it means we are having/HAVE a great and loyal friend. Let’s take one example. After a hard-working day, I often get stressed and tension/TENSE. But when I come home, my dog wagS its tail and barkS to welcome me home. It often makes me feel a bit better. I frequently take my dog to the park near my house. That is the time for me to relax, enjoy the fresh air, and escape from my problems in real life.

Besides, you can learn a lot from taking care of YOUR pets. Throughout a long time taking care of my dog, I know how hard IT IS to raise and teach it to do the right things. And it reminds me about my parents, who always take care OF ME, stand by me when I need THEM. So, this can also teach us more about responsibility, love, etc.

In contrast, having a pet also brings with (itself) IT a lot of troubles. You need to go TO BUY (buying) (the) food when it is hungry, medicine when it is sick. It absolutely/REALLY takes you a lot of time to take care of them every day.


Please check and tell me what you think about this essay.[/i]

That was well written. make sure that there is agreement betwen the subject and what you write afterwards- you - your we - our

Alan

Thanks a lot for your help.
It’s my mistake because i can not post the last paragragh.
This is the lost ending.


To sum up, I support to have a close relationship with our pets. When we treat them with all our heart, they will love us with all their heart, too.

This would read best as: To sum up I support (the idea of) having a close relationship with our pets. When/If we treat them with a kind heart, they will love us with a full heart, too.

Alan

I see. I am still confused about the last sentence because i repeat the structure.
Thanks for your help.

Hi Demon,

Which part do you not understand?

Alan

i mean the last sentence. When i repeat the structure, it makes the sentence too long.
After you fix it, it becomes much better. But I want to write it short but still have the same meaning here to make the sentence brief.
What do you think about this?

Hi Demon,

I suggest this:

To sum up, I support the idea of a close relationship with our pets. If we treat them with a kind heart, they will love us back the same way.

Any good?

Alan

It sounds better now. Thanks a lot ^^.