I’M GONNA HAVE TOEFL THIS WEEKEND.
IF POSSIBLE, COULD YOU GIVE ME A REMARK OUT OF 30? MANY THX!
[size=150]104. It is generally agreed that society benefits from the work of its members. Compare the contributions of artists to society with the contributions of scientists to society. Which type of contribution do you think is valued more by your society? Give specific reasons to support your answer. [/size]
All the individuals stay in this world have always gained the welfare from their society, while at the same breath committed themselves to the society and make the contributions to it. Some people believe that the mental benefits brought by the artists to the civilization of human beings outweigh the physical ones given by the scientists, but I believe the scientists are supposed to be attached to greater significance, for their achievements in the field of diet, medicine and the transportation.
First of all, starvation, the greatest enemy of our life, is annihilated by the scientists through their breathtaking work. We now have already developed multitude of grain seeds which bear modified genes of which the yield can one hundredfold higher per acre. China, for example, has used these seeds to feed one point three billion people with just twenty percent of its total agricultural land. Besides, they have exported the excessive food to the Africa to give assistance to the people who suffer from the hunger there. Thus, a large number of people in the world have been saved by this.
Additionally, significant advanced have been made in the medical field through the myriad of researches conducted by the scientists. We can now control a lot more diseases than what fifty years ago. Hispanic epidemic in 1918，for instance, witnessed hundreds of thousands of people suffering from flu and finally passed away. Yet, we have vaccines for the flu which have help us to prevent ourselves from such catastrophe and we can made the variation of the flu virus under control within a shorter time.
Last but not the least, addition to the starvation and diseases the scientist have successfully overcome, they also have our life easier and better living with ever advancing transportation. Since last century have seen a lot of progress in the vehicles from the beginning of the industrial revolution, scientist have invented cars and trains powered by petroleum which are much faster than those powered by the steam engine at that time. Scientists are now trying to use hydrogen powered cell-battery to replace the fossil oil which causes air pollution and global warming.
From all of the above, scientists have made greater contributions to the area not only for the life saving but also or the life improving when compared to the artists who could only makes poems or aria that are affordable by the upper class.
I’M GONNA HAVE TOEFL THIS WEEKEND.
IF POSSIBLE, COULD YOU GIVE ME A REMARK OUT OF 30? MANY THX!
[size=150]104. It is generally agreed that society benefits from the work of its members. Compare the contributions of artists to society with the contributions of scientists to society. Which type of contribution do you think is valued more by your society? Give specific reasons to support your answer. [/size]
All the individuals WHO stay in this world have always gained the welfare from their society, while IN the same breath THEY HAVE committed themselves to the society and make the contributions to it. Some people believe that the mental benefits brought by the artists to the civilization of human beings outweigh the physical ones given by the scientists, but I believe the scientists are supposed to be attached to greater significance, for their achievements in the field of diet, medicine and the transportation.
First of all, starvation, the greatest enemy of our liVES, HAS BEEN ELIMINATED by the scientists through their breathtaking work. We now have already developed A multitude of grain seeds which bear modified genes of which the yield can BE one hundredfold higher per acre. China, for example, has used these seeds to feed one point three billion people with just twenty percent of its total agricultural land. Besides, they have exported the excessive food to the Africa to give assistance to the people who suffer from the hunger there. Thus, a large number of people in the world have been saved by this.
Additionally, significant advanceS have been made in the medical field through the myriad of researches conducted by the scientists. We can now control a lot more diseases than what WE WERE ABLE TO fifty years ago. THE Hispanic epidemic in 1918，for instance, witnessed hundreds of thousands of people suffering from flu and THEY finally passed away. Yet, we have vaccines for the flu which have helpED us to prevent ourselves from such catastropheS and we can maKE the variation of the flu virus under control within a shorter time.
Last but not the least, IN addition to the starvation and diseases the scientist have BEEN ALE TO successfully overcome, they also have MADE our LIVES easier and better living with ever advancing transportation. Since THE last century HAS seen a lot of progress in the vehicles from the beginning of the Industrial Revolution, scientistS have invented cars and trains powered by petroleum which are much faster than those powered by the steam engine at that time. Scientists are now trying to use hydrogen powered cell-batterIES to replace the fossil FUEL which causes air pollution and global warming.
From all of the above, scientists have made greater contributions to the area not only for the saving OF LIVES but also For the life improving when compared to the artists who could only makes poems or ariaS that are ONLY affordable by the upper classES.
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Sorry Yennyy, but this wasn’t good. You have no time to improve, unless you work 24 hours a day for the next two days.Why did you leave it so late?
Is it the idea that I use is not approriate for this topic or just because of too many grammatical mistakes I have made that leads this to a bad essay?
I am so worried…
Sorry for the late reply. Well, both your sentence structure and vocabulary are poor.
I really don’t think you can correct this in the time you have available. Your teacher should have corrected these problems a long time ago. I do wish you well, but I also wish you had joined us earlier. Stop worrying. You will either scrape through, or you won’t.
I’m so sorry to be so frank, but you did ask …