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Some young adults prefer to live with their family for longer periods because they didn’t want to ruin their lives with the pressure of earning money for living, didn’t have any life goal to achieve as all facilities are given by their parents. However, in my opinion, young adults have to be independent from their parents as soon as possible for the following three reasons.

First of all, to achieve their goal in life young adults must go away from their parents. For example, if you want to be a great biologist you cannot get it by staying with your family you have to explore the wildlife like the study of wild plants or wild animals by staying in or researching in a wild. In addition, you have to go running your research in any lab by taking a sample from the forest for finding new information about or related to the wild plants and the animals of your interest to be a great biologist. So the youth have to stay away from their family to do something new.

Secondly, becoming a young adult financially independent for their future comes from leaving their family for a longer time. Take, for instance, if you want to buy any luxury things like a top electric car or spaceship you have to earn lots of money to buy it as it will be more expensive than other ordinary ships or cars. So to earn such a huge amount of money you have to go for a job or run your own business staying away from home as if you stay at your home you will not get the chance to earn money as you may remain lazy at home. Generally, when young adults stay at home they do not do their work and stay lazy by seeing boring TV shows or by playing their favorite games with other members of the family.

Finally, knowing the world in a better way will not be gained by staying at home. For example, if young adults stay away from home they have to do small things like cooking, paying for rent, etc on their own which gives the youth the taste of a better understanding the real-world issues or aspects in a simpler way.

In conclusion, indeed staying with family members is one of the best things in life, even though, being away from our family will teach us the true meaning of living our life as stated in the above reasons.

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Some young adults prefer to live with their family for a longer period of time because they don’t want to ruin their lives with the pressure of having to earn money to support themselves, and they don’t have a life goal they want to achieve because they are given all the opportunities by their parents. However, in my opinion, young adults need to be independent from their parents as soon as possible for the following three reasons.

First, in order to achieve their life goal, young adults need to get away from their parents. For example, if you want to become a great biologist, you can’t achieve that by staying with your family, but you must explore the wilderness by staying in the wilderness or doing research there. Also, you have to do research in a lab by taking a sample from the forest to find new information about the wild plants and animals that interest you in order to become a great biologist. So young people have to stay away from their family to do something new.

Second, to be financially independent for the future as a young adult, you have to leave your family for a long time. For example, if you want to buy a luxury item like a top electric car or a spaceship, you have to earn a lot of money because it is more expensive than other ships or cars. To earn so much money, you have to take a job or start your own business while staying away from home, because if you stay at home, you don’t have the opportunity to earn money because you are lazy at home. When young adults stay at home, they generally don’t work and stay lazy by watching boring TV shows or playing their favorite games with other family members.

After all, you don’t get to know the world better by staying at home. For example, when young adults stay away from home, they have to do small things like cooking, paying rent, etc. by themselves, which gives young people a better understanding of the real world and its aspects in a simpler way.

In conclusion, living with family members is indeed one of the best things in life, even though being away from our family teaches us the true meaning of our life, as stated in the reasons above.