Toefl essay: change something about your country

[size=150]Toefl essay[/size]

If you could change one important thing about your country, what would you change? Use reasons and specific examples to support your answer

I think , it is possible with technologic development.If we turn, and look our araund we can’ t see anything from technology.The simple example;ıf we go goverment office, there are a lot of computer.My country is Turkey.We produce a lot of vegetable,fruit, and things like this.We don’t produce technologic enstruments.

Technology is different from the other thing that we produce ,because is cost large amaunt money.We export vegetable,fruit things like this,we import computer ,plane .If we look things that we export and import there are alot of difference between them .for example ;when we buy one plane we have to pay all vegetable that we produced in one city.This situation bad for us ,but good for the other country that we imported.

Recently; technology is growing up and it is becaming more important than the other instruments in the world. Why is it becaming more important? This quastion’s answer is very easy.Turkey is under risk because of war danger.We buy our war plane the other countries that can attack to turkey.If we don’t produce our technology they know all details abaut our air defence systems. If any war breaks out ;it can be very dangerous for turkey.

we have to work to produce technology.Living without technology is impossible in this ceuntry.ıf we don 't produce someones already produce so ;we have to pay large amaount money to buy them.we have to start to produce technology as soon as possible.
İs this enough?
What do you think abaut this?

TOEFL listening lectures: A university lecture by a professor of Art History


My suggestions are in CAPITAL letters:

Check on the difference between the comma , and the semi-colon ;


thank you very much