Would you mind helping me correct the essay about the topic below? Thank you very much.
Topic: A foreign visitor has to spend only one day in your country. Where should this visitor go on that day? Why? Use specific reason and details to support your choice.
Although Vietnam has enormous beautiful places to visit, as a native to my country, I would recommend the visitor to go to Ho Chi Minh City. In this situation when the visitor has only one day to spend, the priority should be given to cover a most worthy place in shortest time. Hence this will be the best option to visit, where the visitor can get a glimpse of entire Vietnam. Another aspect of my propensity is that in Ho Chi Minh City is the most affordable metropolitan city with verities of market complex and shopping malls to buy clothes and accessories.
First and foremost, the best place to go in the morning should be Saigon Zoo. Visitors not only enjoy yourself in a quiet space, breathe the fresh air but also to hear the breath of nature jungle. Going around the zoo, you can see many kinds of animals such as tigers, hippos, giraffes and so on. It will make a beautiful memory because you can also feed them. Besides, you will find promenade and amusement with its range of diverse activities for a day out for everyone. It is the perfect place for little ones and to those who never want to grow up. This place is a veritable haven of greenery in the heart of Ho Chi Minh City to make fun and memorable gateway.
Secondly, the place a foreign visitor should visit in the afternoon is Ben Thanh Market. It is one of the more exciting places to visit in Ho Chi Minh City. It’s a chance to truly get stuck in with the locals and test your bargaining skills. It’s a very different experience if you’ve lived in the UK and are so used to fixed priced items that the idea of bargaining never comes to mind but after visiting a few markets. You walk around, buy some traditional souvenirs of Vietnam for your family and friends. There also have a variety of food stall that you can sit down and enjoy the traditional food you never taste before.
Last but not least, the place a foreign visitor has to visit in the evening is Nguyen Hue Walking Street. There is a variety of activities there. Walking along the street I can see many groups play the musical instruments, which makes the atmosphere more lively. They perform it to the public in confidence. There is a water spout in the central. With many beautiful colors, it makes the street brighter and also lovelier. Spending your time there, you will not be stressed and have lots of fun.
To sum up briefly, I really think that it is really difficult to find a place that all people would find interesting but what you experience in Ho Chi Minh City is something that you will never forget. Not only its lively places are wonderful, but also it has such a great nature that everyone would definitely like.
Hi Phuong Du. Your essay makes me want to visit Ho Chi Minh City, so I think that means it is effective! I am sure you read that President Trump plans to visit Ho Chi Minh City in a few weeks - maybe you should send him your essay to give him some ideas of what to see! I think your introduction would have been better if you had put your thesis statement at the end. Start off your introduction by stating the challenge of only having one day to spend in a country. Then talk about what people would want to see in that one day - nature, shopping, local culture. Then end by stating that Ho Chi Minh is the ideal destination and as the reader’s tour guide, you have a perfect one-day itinerary planned. The rest of your essay was structured very well though. I think it was a great idea to go chronologically and your conclusion is effective as well. Your writing is clear with many specific examples and descriptions, but you did have a few errors here and there. Here are some specific suggestions:
*** edited *** Now I realize that Trump is visiting Hanoi, not Ho Chi Minh City. Maybe you can come up with a view highlights for that city as well!
I think your introduction would have been better if you had put your thesis statement at the end. Start off your introduction by stating the challenge of only having one day to spend in a country. Then talk about what people would want to see in that one day - nature, shopping, local culture. Then end by stating that Ho Chi Minh is the ideal destination and as the reader’s tour guide, you have a perfect one-day itinerary planned. The rest of your essay was structured very well though. I think it was a great idea to go chronologically and your conclusion is effective as well. Your writing is clear with many specific examples and descriptions, but you did have a few errors here and there. Here are some specific suggestions: