Thanks everyone for reading my essay. If you give me some advice, it will be great! I am so appreciate that. Thank for your time and concerning.
Topic
If you could change one important thing about your hometown, what would you change? Use reasons and specific examples to support your answer.
Answer
There are so many things I want to change in my hometown. The key of these changes should be the system of the government. By that I mean the people are supposed to have the right to make decisions—democracy.
Everyone knows that some very bad things happened in the early period of new China. It was the Great Proletarian Cultural Revolution, which was a political movement that took place from 1966 through to 1976. That movement almost destroyed China. As a result, thousands of intellectuals were sent to prison and abused by some guys who did not know the truth such as red guards and the country lost the best opportunity for developing its economy. In contrast, the bad influences over the society were disastrous and far beyond people’s imagination.
The stared cause of this revolution was simple, as Mao wanted to consolidate his position as a real controller. The ended reason of this movement was simple too, because Mao died in 1976. If it had been the people rather than someone who could decide the leader of this country, the social tragedy would not have happened and now everyone might have a better life. By that I mean democracy can prevent someone managing the whole country for his/her private purpose, which could lead to huge disaster. From this point, democracy could make the society more stable.
The country is just like a big company and everyone is an owner no matter he/she is rich or poor. They should have the right to vote who will charge their company for a period. After this period, according to the ‘revenue’, the people can revote to decide anther manager. The whole procedure is a positive circle. To do so can make sure that the people are the host, and the government is the people’s servant. It would be a fair way to govern a country to everyone.
In my opinion, democracy is the best way to develop our society fairly and efficiently and avoiding some stupid political mistake, as the people are more reliable and wiser than an individual.
Hi, I think your writing is very good and you have not made many grammatical mistakes. I think your essay does not really address the question though. How would having a more democratic government improve your hometown? The essay question is quite specific and you do not really address it at all, focusing instead on the national level.
Hi, Luschen
It is so nice of you to help me again, again and again. I really appreciate your advice and concern. I really should say some specific example such as the traffic problem instead of problems in national level.
My hometown is Beijing and there is a big problem in traffic. To address this situation, the government just order people not to drive cars one day per week according to the car’s license plate. For example, if the tail number of a car is 0 or 9, the owner is prohibited from driving it on Monday. And now, the government started to limit people to buy new cars. If people need to, they have to apply and wait for a lucky choosing by a computer program, which is just like winning a prize in a lottery. The amount of people who want to buy a new car is about 0.4 million, but the permits are only 20 thousand per month. There is a huge gab between the need and the supply. People even don’t have a right to argue these rules. In contrast, we have to obey them. If this situation continued, we will have to stay at home forever.
Sorry, I complained for a long time.
Dear Luschen, I want to know how did you use the sentence{ to making these} insted of {to make these}?
I believe that, when we use TO the verb after it must be infinitive.
Hi Mona, In this case, “making” is not an infinitive. It is a gerund which I am using as the object of the preposition “to”. “To making” is a prepositional phrase modifying key. Here is a webpage which describes what I am talking about: