Dear Sri
Gopal and family wants to make the trip by train to Melburn with Raman and family and he wants more fun and the trip should be more enjoyable
I heard that you advice Gopal to do the trip with his own family only after your advice he decided to cancel the trip because he does not like your advice
Yours sincerly
You are still saying in one sentence that Gopal wants to make the trip with his family and Raman’s family, but in the next sentence that Gopal doesn’t wish to make the trip. Maybe this will help:
Dear Sri,
Gopal and his family were arranging to join Raman and his family on the train for their trip to Melburn. I heard that you advised Gopal that he should make this trip with his family. However, Gopal feels that with his family there, the trip will not be as enjoyable because he will not be able to relax and have fun in the way that he could if they were not with him. Therefore, Gopal has decided to cancel the trip.
Ganesh,
You are utilizing run on-sentences. Use periods, (.) to separate each sentence or separate thought. So the rewrite of your first sentence should be, ‘Gopal and family wants to travel to Melburn with Raman.’; and perhaps change the second sentence to, ‘They believe the trip will be more enjoying while traveling with Raman.’. The ‘they’ in the second sentence implies that ‘Gopal and his family believes …’.
Change the next sentence to, ‘I heard that you advised Gopal to do the trip with his own family.’ I’m totally lost after that point. You state that Gopal then cancels his trip because he didn’t like your advice, but that is not logical. I believe Gopal would only cancel his trip if thought your advice valid.
Sorry Justy, but your revisions have some grammatical errors of their own.
Beeesneees,
Please, by all means, when you see mistakes just correct them. No one, that I know of, is perfect I reread my prior post and I don’t see any mistakes.
Perhaps you were tired when you re-read it:
You are utilizing run on-sentences. Use periods, (.) to separate each sentence or separate thought. So the rewrite of your first sentence should be, ‘Gopal and [color=green]his family want[color=green]s to travel to Melburn with Raman.’; and perhaps change the second sentence to, ‘They believe the trip will be more [color=green]enjoying enjoyable while traveling with Raman.’ [color=green](Ganesh doesn’t actually indicate that they think this is the case, though given the confusion in his paragraph it might be true.). The ‘they’ in the second sentence implies that ‘Gopal and his family believe[color=green]s …’.