Would you please tell me what does this mean 
"there’s nothing you are doing that is not fundamentally the same for me. You may get more intense, You may use more extreme escapes, but at a fundamental level, it’s the same old process. You know it’s just that “I snap at my husband whereas you ended up somehow all the way out to cutting yourself or you know destroying all of his classes or something like that”
Trillions of thanks in advance 
(This is an ongoing discussion about this video Being Mindful of Emotion to Validate Self and Other - Kelly Koerner, PhD - YouTube)
Apparently the audience has given examples of things the lecturer was talking about.
Dr Koerner is saying that their experience is not fundamentally different than her own. By ‘fundamentally different’ she means that if you ignore all the details, it’s much the same thing.
For example, if person A steals a music CD worth two dollars, and person B steals an exotic car worth a million dollars, that “fundamentally” they are both stealing.
The theme of the lecture is the way people react to situations and how it affects others. People react out of habit. Koerner says:
“You may get more intense”
“You may use more extreme escapes”
“but at a fundamental level, it’s the same old process”
She’s saying that those details don’t matter (in the context of her lecture). They are all reactions, that affect other people.