Hi Mr. Lucschen
Can you help me correct my essay and suggest some better word choice if possible? Thank you so much
Some people think that government should ban dangerous sports, and some others think it is a freedom to choose the activities they want to.
Discuss both views and give your opinion
People have different views about whether the government should prevent all kinds of extreme sports. While some think that imposing a ban on such activities will benefit the citizens and the society as a whole; in my opinion, people have the right to take part in their favorite sports.
Some argue that dangerous sports should be prohibited as they could produce several adverse effects to the participants and the whole country. People fear that by joining extreme sports, the players are putting themselves at risk. In addition, the young generation is the majority who get involved in adventures while they have not been fully aware of all the consequences. If accidents happen, it is highly likely that the participants will suffer from serious injuries, or even lose their lives. A ban on such activities therefore can ensure the safety of the citizens and the well-being of the whole country.
On the other hand, I think that people should have the freedom to participate in sports based on their inclinations. For some people, preparing for the adventures and overcoming the difficulties are methods to train their mental strengths. Consequently, they will have the courage to confront all the challenges in their life. Moreover, by restricting the options for a wide variety of people, the government could discourage their citizens from engaging in physical activities. This might result in the overall health deterioration in the country.
In conclusion, it seems to me that despite the danger of some extreme sports, the government should let people decide on the sports of their choice.
Hi Quanghuy, another very clear and understandable essay. I have made a few vocabulary suggestions for you. As for your overall structure, I think with this type of prompt it is best to keep your second body paragraph more objective. Just discuss the benefits, and then in a third body paragraph, or in an expanded conclusion, is where you give your opinion of which side has the stronger argument. This will ensure that you hew closely to the prompt where it says “discuss both views and give your opinion”