Television programs

[Th_Bui]

Please give me some comments. Thanks a lot
Studies suggested that nowadays children watch much more television than they did in the past and spend less time on active or creative things. What are the reasons? And what measures should be taken to encourage children to spend more time on active or creative things?
My essay: It has been observed that these days, watching TV has become a dominant form of recreation over other activities that require creativity. This phenomenon is ascribed to various reasons and can be addressed by feasible solutions.
There are two underlying reasons why youngsters are attracted by television programs rather than creative activities. The first reason that compared to the past when most TV channels were in black and white, nowadays hundreds of channels with high-resolution graphics are available on TV. Therefore, it is understandable that teenagers keep their eyes glued to screens for several hours. In addition, students must dedicate their time to studying in classes and doing their homework which deprives their free time of enjoying recreational activities and doing sports. Takes Vietnamese students as an example. In fact, after spending time on studying at school all day, children in Vietnam must make a revision to their knowledge learned by doing their exercises.
Measures should be taken in order to reduce their time children spend watching television. Firstly, instead of obliging children to follow extra classes or finishing demanding assignments, parents should encourage their children to take part in outdoor activities based on their aspirations and interests, which helps them nurture soft skills. For example, in most American schools, there is a myriad of clubs such as dancing club and drawing club in which students can not only cultivate their imagination and creativity but also develop necessary skills. Moreover, parents should restrict the amount of time that their children are allowed to enjoy television programs. In other words, children should only spend one to two hours each day watching television after stress classes to let their hair down and update the latest information all over the world.
In conclusion, several factors are cited as causes for children’s propensity for adopting a passive habit of watching TV more than ever before, and children should be guided and encouraged to do more creative work.

[Luschen]

Hi Thư Bùi. Your writing here is pretty good, but I don’t think you addressed the prompt as directly as you should have. The prompt is talking about watching tv vs doing more creative activities. But you keep focusing on school, which really shouldn’t play much of a role in this essay. It is hard to show that excessive tv watching is caused by going to school for too many hours each day, so that reason, and the example of having more clubs at school, are not really relevant. Here are some specific suggestions:

@Th_Bui

It has been observed that these days, [for kids,] watching TV has become a dominant form of recreation over other activities that require creativity. This phenomenon [can] ascribed to various reasons and [should] be addressed by feasible solutions. {better to say that you will discuss these feasible solutions}
[To begin,] There are two underlying reasons why youngsters are attracted by television programs rather than creative activities. The first reason [is] that compared to the past when most TV channels were in black and white, nowadays hundreds of channels with high-resolution graphics are available on TV. {I think the fact that there are many more TV channels these days, plus video streaming, which allows you to watch any show at any time are more convincing reasons than color TV vs black and white} Therefore, it is understandable that teenagers keep their eyes glued to screens for several hours [each day]. In addition, students must dedicate [a large portion of] their time to studying in classes and doing their homework which deprives [them of] free time [to enjoy] recreational activities and [do] sports. [Take] Vietnamese students as an example. In fact, after spending time on studying at school all day, children in Vietnam must make a revision to their knowledge learned by doing their exercises. {this example doesn’t really deal with why tv has replaced more creative activities}
Measures should be taken in order to reduce their time children spend watching television -an encourage more worthwhile activities]. Firstly, instead of obliging children to [take] extra classes or [finish] demanding assignments, parents should encourage their children to take part in outdoor activities based on their aspirations and interests, which helps {“which will help” sounds better here} them nurture soft skills. For example, in most American schools, there is a myriad of clubs such as dancing club and drawing club in which students can not only cultivate their imagination and creativity but also develop necessary skills. Moreover, parents should restrict the amount of time that their children are allowed to enjoy television programs. In other words, children should only spend one to two hours each day watching television after [stressful] classes to let their hair down and [catch up on] update the latest information all over the world.
In conclusion, several factors are cited as causes for children’s propensity for adopting a passive habit of watching TV more than ever before, and children should be guided and encouraged to do more creative work.

[Torsten]

How about watching and analyzing Breaking Bad to learn more about American society and their values?