Hi everybody! Would you mind correcting my essay? Thank you so much!
Television brings various benefits to our lives. However, some say that its existence has negative effect on interpersonal communication among friends and family. In my opinion, I absolutely disgree with this idea with two following reasons.
First of all, television programs provide people with a large amount of information to share and discuss. These information serves viewers more opportunities and topics to talk about, so they can build up mutual understanding among them. Nowadays, there are many programs which attract all members in the families. People not only have a good relaxation but also get to know each other better. For example, during mealtimes my parents and I love watching films together because we can comment on thrilling episodes and choose our favorite characters. My parents point out which is right or wrong from the content and educate me about life. Also, television leads to animated discussions among friends watching the same programs. They are impatient to inform each other about what they have seen and share their impressions on new events. Therefore, television is a good way to improve communication among friends and family.
Secondly, television gathers people together. It is natural for them to get close to each other when they decide to watch television. My family is a great example of this. Men in the neighborhood meet at my house to watch football matches. They all has a good time and exchange their different ideas. However, it is true that some people who are addicted to television ignore their main duties as a member of a family or a part of certain communities. I personally think that these problems are not due to the existence of television, but due to the individuals themselves who are incapable of and irresponsible for managing their time.
In conclusion, I believe that television help strengthen family relationships and maintain communication among friends. This is because it is a great resource of information and because people come together when watching television.
Hi, another very good essay. I think your introduction could use one more sentence.
The first sentence and your thesis are almost the same, really. I think a good outline is -
state that the topic is important 2. say why it is important 3. introduce the disagreement 4. give your opinion of the disagreement. For this one, you can either use television or communication as the topic. In your second body paragraph,
I like the idea of bringing up possible refutation of your argument. But I think it would work better as it’s own body paragraph or you can even add it to the beginning of the conclusion. But each body paragraph should have it’s own specific topic,
mentioned in the topic sentence, so adding it at the end of an existing body paragraph is not ideal.