I would like to know your suggestions to make my essay better. I appreciate any comments. <3
Nowadays, advertising is one of the most important factors for becoming successful in all businesses, and also has a noticeable effect on society. Since young children’s thinking abilities are not completely developed, broadcasting television advertising for this age group is not a wise decision. Children might imitate the advertisements or ask for goods which are not the best choice for them. So, I believe these advertisements should not be allowed.
First, impersonating advertisements might be harmful to young children. Thanks to the visual effects, they can produce some unrealistic, appealing scenes. Young children cannot distinguish them, and imitating some of them can be dangerous. For example, watching an actor with a cape who flies can persuade the child to try it himself/herself. In his/her imagination, such actions are possible. Some advertisements exaggeratedly depict getting specific results after using the item they want to sell. These representations might lead to excessive use of those goods by young children, for example, overeating junk food, which is terrible for their health and growth.
Another possible problem is children demanding items which would not be well advised for them. Opposing such demands may cause some arguments between parents and children, unpleasant behaviors, or a constant nagging by the child. Also, by the increasing number of parents who idolize their child, such parents can not resist and will provide children those advertised things. In families with financial issues, such demands might have worse effects. Parents who cannot make enough to buy the advertised item will feel shameful or blame themselves for their condition. On the other hand, by watching advertisements, again and again, the child might think that he/she lacks an essential item or even his/her parents do not love him/her enough.
To sum up, television advertisements for young children will probably affect both families and children in a bad way. So, it is morally better not to broadcast advertisements for young children aged two to five on television and consider other marketing methods.
Hello 01000110, welcome to our forum. You have chosen a very interesting username As for your essay, what kind of feedback to you expect and have you read the comments our coaches have made on other learners’ essays?
Dear Torsten, I’ve read the TOEFL scoring criteria… I wish to know how good my essay is according to those standards and what I need to focus on to improve my score. I’ve read some of the other learners’ writings. But as you see, I’m new here!
“01000110” is the binary code for “F” which is the initial of my first name! I’ve used this username on many websites, so… it’s kinda me!
Now, I’ve added my name to my account preferences. I guess you can see it.