Television advertising directed toward young children (aged two to five) should not be allowed

[01000110]

I would like to know your suggestions to make my essay better. I appreciate any comments. <3

Nowadays, advertising is one of the most important factors for becoming successful in all businesses, and also has a noticeable effect on society. Since young children’s thinking abilities are not completely developed, broadcasting television advertising for this age group is not a wise decision. Children might imitate the advertisements or ask for goods which are not the best choice for them. So, I believe these advertisements should not be allowed.

First, impersonating advertisements might be harmful to young children. Thanks to the visual effects, they can produce some unrealistic, appealing scenes. Young children cannot distinguish them, and imitating some of them can be dangerous. For example, watching an actor with a cape who flies can persuade the child to try it himself/herself. In his/her imagination, such actions are possible. Some advertisements exaggeratedly depict getting specific results after using the item they want to sell. These representations might lead to excessive use of those goods by young children, for example, overeating junk food, which is terrible for their health and growth.

Another possible problem is children demanding items which would not be well advised for them. Opposing such demands may cause some arguments between parents and children, unpleasant behaviors, or a constant nagging by the child. Also, by the increasing number of parents who idolize their child, such parents can not resist and will provide children those advertised things. In families with financial issues, such demands might have worse effects. Parents who cannot make enough to buy the advertised item will feel shameful or blame themselves for their condition. On the other hand, by watching advertisements, again and again, the child might think that he/she lacks an essential item or even his/her parents do not love him/her enough.

To sum up, television advertisements for young children will probably affect both families and children in a bad way. So, it is morally better not to broadcast advertisements for young children aged two to five on television and consider other marketing methods.

[Torsten]

Hello 01000110, welcome to our forum. You have chosen a very interesting username As for your essay, what kind of feedback to you expect and have you read the comments our coaches have made on other learners’ essays?

[01000110]

Dear Torsten, I’ve read the TOEFL scoring criteria… I wish to know how good my essay is according to those standards and what I need to focus on to improve my score. I’ve read some of the other learners’ writings. But as you see, I’m new here!

[Torsten]

Sure. I’ll give you some more detailed feedback tomorrow. In the meantime, maybe @Sumejja or @Anglophile will take a closer look at your essay. Also, you might want to meet @Memo34.

Talk soon,
Torsten

[Anglophile]

@01000110

Nowadays, advertising is one of the most important factors for any business to be successful, but it has an adverse impact on society, particularly among young children whose cognitive abilities may not have been completely developed so as to make a better choice. Children might imitate what is shown in the advertisements or ask for goods which are not advisable for them. So, I believe such advertisements should be censured.

Advertisements aimed at enticing young children may do more harm than good due to the unrealistic visual effects they produce to appeal to the young mind. Children cannot distinguish them. And imitating them can be dangerous to them. For example, watching an actor who flies like a spiderman can incite the child to try it himself/herself. In his/her imagination, such actions are possible. Some advertisements assure specific results for the item they want to sell. Such representations might lead young children to the excessive use of goods, as overeating junk food, which is terrible for their health and growth.

Another possible problem is children demanding items which would not be desirable for them. Denying such demands may cause arguments between parents and children, which might end up in unpleasant results. Also, there are increasing number of parents who pamper their children, and such parents can not resist children’s demands but will be forced to provide children those advertised things. In families with financial issues, such demands might have worse effects. Parents who cannot make enough to buy the advertised item will feel shameful or blame themselves for their poor economic condition. At the same time, by watching advertisements, again and again, these children might think that their parents do not love them enough to make these items available to them.

To sum up, indiscriminate and profit-oriented television advertisements will adversely affect both families and children in an unpredictable manner. So, it is morally better not to broadcast or telecast advertisements that would mislead young children aged between two and five but to consider other harmless marketing methods.

(I have made a small attempt to modify the content of the essay retaining your ideas intact to the extent possible)

[01000110]

Thank you dear @Anglophile! I learned a lot

[Anglophile]

You’re welcome, dear friend.

(Why don’t you assume some pseudonym if you cannot reveal your real name?)

[01000110]

“01000110” is the binary code for “F” which is the initial of my first name! I’ve used this username on many websites, so… it’s kinda me!
Now, I’ve added my name to my account preferences. I guess you can see it.

[Anglophile]

Thank you, Fazi. Our conversation will sound more direct and intimate now. I’m sure other members and coaches will also take note of it.