Task 1: visits to 2 new music sites

Hi Luschen! Could you please check my task and rate it in IELTS bandscore. Thank you in advance.

The linegraph provided illustrates the number of visits to Music Choice and Pop Parade, two new music sites on the web, in 2 weeks. It is clear that the total of viewers of these two music sites fluctuates over the period shown.

As can be seen, the number of visits of Music Choice on 3 first days stays around just under 120,000. It then decreases significantly to about over 60,000 on 5th day and slightly rises to around 70,000 before hitting the lowest point just below 40,000 on 7th day. From 9th to 11th day, the figure rapidly inceases and reaks a peak of 155,000. After that, the number of viewers considerably falls to 90,000 on 13th day before rocketing to 170,000 and 175,000 in 14th and 15th day, respectively.

Whereas, the number of Pop Parade’s visits goes up and down from the 1st to 11th day, remains around 20,000 to 40,000 viewers execting for 3rd day with 60,000. This number then shoots up to over 110,000 in 12th day. There is a moderately decline to just over100,000 in the whole of visits. Finally, it gradually increases to 120,000 before falling back to 70,000 in the period shown.

TOEFL listening discussions: What are the two students doing?

Hi Huganegi, I thought your report was not too bad. Your descriptions are accurate and give a precise breakdown of the data. I think they may be too precise. This seems a little wordy and maybe focussing more on the general trends than on a day by day description might be better. Also, I would expect you to compare the two linegraphs, as that is the main point of the question. Which website seems to be more successful? Which one had the highest total number of visitors? Was one site always in the lead? You also had quite a few minor errors in your usage of articles and prepositions. Overall, I would rate this a band 6.