Students should wear school uniforms or decide what to wear to school?

[Tesoke]

Hi, would you please assay my essay. Thank you for any help. Bless you.

Question:
Some high schools require all students to wear school uniforms. Other high schools permit students to decide what to wear to school. Which of these two school policies do you think is better? Use specific reasons and examples to support your opinion.

Essay:
Different people have diverse opinions about that wearing school uniforms is better or optional dress. Some of them think student should be permitted to opt their own dresses; however, I think that schools should want all student to wear uniforms because it will increase trust and intimacy between students and teach them to respect to the laws. In addition none of the students try to be proud because of his dress.

First of all, I think if all students wear school uniforms, none of the students can be proud because of his expensive dress. They also learn that can be respectable via trying to have better scores and not spending much money to be like a star in the school. For example, I was learning in a school which permitting students to have their opted dresses, and there was a match between the students to have more expensive dresses, watches and so on. In addition, when all students wear school uniforms, nobody will be mocked because of his un-expensive dress.

Furthermore, students should learn to respect to some rules and a school is the first place which can learn it to them. If schools permit students to wear their opted dresses, students may want to cut their hairs optionally and after that, they will want more and more options. I think that students should not be permitted to behave whatever want. They should behave based on some strict laws to learn that they should always respect to some rules.

Apart from trying more for getting better scores and learning to respect to laws, I think wearing school uniforms can help student to have a better relationship with each other. When all students have same dresses, they are more similar to others and it can increase sense of trust and intimacy between them. One day, I read an article which asserted: “There are more friendly senses in schools which students wear school uniforms.” So, a similar dress can easily lead to build a positive environment between student to improve communication skills and socialize faster.

In conclusion, we should think about the future and teach student to have a friendly relationship and not to be conceited to each other. In schools students should learn to respect to rules and after that, after school, they may opt how to live optionally. [/u][/i]

TOEFL listening lectures: A lecture by a professor of Sociobiology

[Luschen]

Hi Tesoke, I thought your essay was pretty good. You had an effective structure and your content was relevant and convincing. Your introduction seemed a little rote though. Also, you have quite a few phrases that were not used exactly right. as long as some odd word choices. Be careful when using “dress”, as its primary meaning is a woman’s garment. Overall, I would rate this a 3.5 out of 5.

@Tesoke

Hi, would you please assay my essay. Thank you for any help. Bless you.

Question:
Some high schools require all students to wear school uniforms. Other high schools permit students to decide what to wear to school. Which of these two school policies do you think is better? Use specific reasons and examples to support your opinion.

Essay:
Different people have diverse opinions about [whether] wearing school uniforms is better [than letting students have the freedom to wear whatever they like] or optional dress. Some of them think student[s ] should be permitted to opt [for clothing of their own choice] their own dresses; however, I think that schools should want{“require” is better} all student[s ] to wear uniforms because it will increase trust and intimacy between students and teach them to respect to the laws. In addition none of the students [will] try to be proud because of his dress. {this sounds a little unnatural, plus “his dress” puts a picture in my mind of a boy wearing a dress}

First of all, I think if all students wear school uniforms, none of the students can be proud {“prideful” has a worse connotation, so might be better here} because of his expensive [clothes]. They also learn that [one] can be respectable via trying to have better scores and not spending much money to be like a star in the school. For example, I was learning in a school which [that] permitt[ed] students to have their opted dresses, and there was a match{“contest” is better, as I though you were going to say a match between the rich students and the popular ones} between the students to have more expensive dresses[fashions], watches and so on. In addition, when all students wear school uniforms, nobody will be mocked because of his un-expensive dress.{maybe “of his plain clothing choices”}

Furthermore, students should learn to respect to some [the] rules {“some rules” implies that others should not be respected - this may be true, but I don’t think it is what you meant} and a school is the first place [that] which can learn [teach] it to them. If schools permit students to wear their opted dresses,{“opted” sounds odd in this context} students may want to cut their hairs {it is “cut hair”, not hairs} optionally and after that, they will want more and more options. I think that students should not be permitted to behave whatever [however they] want. They should behave based on some strict laws to learn that they should always respect to some [the] rules.

Apart from trying more for [focussing more on] getting better scores and learning to respect t[he] laws, I think wearing school uniforms can help student[d ] to have a better relationship[s ] with each other. When all students [are dressed the same] have same dresses, they are more similar to others [each other] {it was ok, but this seems better} and it can increase [the] sense of trust and intimacy between them. One day, I read an article which asserted: “There are more friendly senses {“friendly senses” does not make sense} in schools [in] which students wear school uniforms.” So, a similar dress can easily lead to build a positive environment between student to improve communication skills and socialize faster.

In conclusion, we should think about the future and teach student to have a friendly relationship[s ] and not to be conceited to[ward] each other. In schools students should learn to respect t[he] rules and after that, after school, they may opt how to live optionally. {this last phase sounds odd} [/u][/i]

TOEFL listening lectures: A lecture by a professor of Sociobiology

[Tesoke]

Thank you so much, but I have some question:

[quote=“Luschen”]

Furthermore, students should learn to respect to some [the] rules {“some rules” implies that others should not be respected - this may be true, but I don’t think it is what you meant}

[quote=“Luschen”]

But I think that some rules does not means what you said. It means that there are some (a few and not many) rules. So, if it means “not many”, I think using “some” is correct. What do you think?

[quote=“Luschen”]

One day, I read an article which asserted: “There are more friendly senses {“friendly senses” does not make sense} in schools [in] which students wear school uniforms.”

[quote=“Luschen”]

Can I use “where” instead of “in which”?

Thanks a lot.

[Luschen]

Thank you so much, but I have some question:

Furthermore, students should learn to respect to some [the] rules {“some rules” implies that others should not be respected - this may be true, but I don’t think it is what you meant}

But I think that some rules does not means what you said. It means that there are some (a few and not many) rules. So, if it means “not many”, I think using “some” is correct. What do you think?

{I know that usually “some” and “a few” and “several” are synonymous, but in this context it still sounds to me like “respect some rules” sounds a little like “respect some of the rules”, but maybe I am being too picky or overthinking it. If you said “respect some basic rules”, that sounds clearer to me.}

One day, I read an article which asserted: “There are more friendly senses {“friendly senses” does not make sense} in schools [in] which students wear school uniforms.”
Can I use “where” instead of “in which”?

{Yes, “where” would work there too}

Thanks a lot.