Someone thinks that severe punishment is effective way to educate their children

[Pukins]

Please correct this essay for me, Kitos. Thank in advance

Childhood is a special period in each one’s life. Should children need love and sweet memories even in cases they are punished by their parents when they make mistake. The punishments should stop at an acceptable level and must have educational effects. From my experience, I believe that severe punishment is not a good way of teaching children to be good.
When the children are punished for their mistakes by violent punishments such as hitting, spanking without explaining about the faults, they will feel unconvinced of the punishment. The children will not realize whether the problems they caused are wrong or right. The matter will become more serious if the children do not receive guides from adults for the same events next times. What remains in their mind is images of rods, cruel face from fathers or cold attitude of mothers in uncontrolled situations. For example: Coming back home after a tiring day at office, a mother sees broken pieces of a bowl on floor. Immediately she boxes her child’s ears instead of learning about the fact. The real reason may result from a cat jumping up on a table and made the bowl fail. Even if the truth is that the child dropped the bowl by mistake, the mother should act elegantly. After all these, be sure that an impression child’s mind is fear of seeing their mother then. As a result, the distance between the child and his parents becomes further and further within passing years.
The second reason makes me afraid is that a childhood imbued with strong corporal punishment can badly effect on children’s behavior when they are mature. A child is who is usually educated by rod or fist has a trend forwards using kickboxing, karate instead of verbal language to solve problems they face in real life! For these children, it seems that violence is the only option to deal with other people when contradiction happens. This is an indicated tendency because children are usually in the habit of aping the grow-ups. Mood and mind of child is like a pure paper and things written on it will remain during their life-years.
In summary, severe punishment is not necessary when we educate our children. There are other ways to teach them which get both targets: warning them about bad results if they continue to repeat their wrong actions and showing them right ways to solve/conduct difficult problems/situations.

TOEFL listening discussions: What will the student try to do with his next essay?

[Kitosdad]

@Pukins

Please correct this essay for me, Kitos. Thank in advance

Childhood is a special period in each PERSONS life. Should Children need love and sweet memories IN THEIR LIVES even in cases WHERE they are punished by their parents when they make mistakeS. The punishments should stop at an acceptable level and must have educational effects. From my experience, I believe that severe punishment is not a good way of teaching children to be good.
When the children are punished for their mistakes by violent punishments such as hitting, spanking without explaining about the faults, they will feel unconvinced of the punishment. The children will not realize whether the problems they caused are wrong or right. The matter will become more serious if the children do not receive guides from adults for the same events next time. What remains in their mind is images of rods, cruel faceS from fathers or cold attitude of mothers in uncontrolled situations. For example: Coming back home after a tiring day at office, a mother sees broken pieces of a bowl on floor. Immediately she boxes her child’s ears instead of learning about the fact. The real reason may result from a cat jumping up on a table and made the bowl FALL. Even if the truth is that the child dropped the bowl by mistake, the mother should act elegantly. After all these, be sure that an impressionABLE child’s mind WILL BE FULL OF fear of seeing their mother then. As a result, the distance between the child and his parents becomes further and further with passing years.
The second reason THAT makes me afraid is that a childhood imbued with strong corporal punishment can badly effect on children’s behavior when they are mature. A child who is usually educated by rod or fist has a trend forwards using kickboxing, karate instead of verbal language to solve problems they face in real life! For these children, it seems that violence is the only option to deal with other people when contradictionS happen. This is an INHERITED tendency because children are usually in the habit of aping the grow-ups. THE mood and mind of A child is like a pure paper and things written on it will remain during their life-years.
In summary, severe punishment is not necessary when we educate our children. There are other ways to teach them. Warning them about bad results if they continue to repeat their wrong actions and showing them right ways to solve/conduct difficult problems/situations.
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Not too bad Pukins, but you need to do a little better than this. Review this work.

Kitos. 7.5/10

TOEFL listening discussions: What will the student try to do with his next essay?

[Pukins]

Kitos, Thank you for your patience. Actually, I tried my best to write the essays above. But, with my current ability, I only can do such jobs. I read some essays which you graded 10/10. They were written with complicated words and structure which I have not known even understood. To do well as other members do, I must try more. Can you give me some advices. Should I need to copy and use such complex words in my essays ? I will have a lot of faults when I do such! Or my ideas are poor, aren’t they? Please advise me how next steps I should follow. Thank you very much!

[Kitosdad]

As ever Pukins, my advice is that you take every opportunity to read English newspapers and magazines. Only by becoming acquainted with the way English writers set out their work will you more easily be able to construct better work. Forget the complexities for the moment. Just write simple, well constructed sentences, and you too will get 10/10. I am not a perfectionist. I just want your best work, and your acceptance of my comments. I wish only the very best for all of you. I can do no more than you allow me to.

Kitos.